Category: Lifeline

In August I was able to spend some time in Eastern Europe. I had a chance to attend several English speaking A. A. meetings while there. One was in Zagreb, Croatia. It was a holiday week in that country and I was told that most of the regular members were out of town, so it was a small meeting. I said I was glad that the meeting was still being held and indeed felt lucky that it was. And I added that I felt that we were the lucky ones! There was another American at the meeting. He said that his Croatian wife and he had just moved there a couple of weeks before. This was the first meeting he had been able to attend since moving. He told me that the comment ‘we are the lucky ones’ held a lot of significance to him. He said that about nine years before during his early attempts at sobriety that he had really struggled. He had tried a few A. A. meetings thinking that it would likely be his last. As soon as the meeting ended he bolted to his car in the parking lot. Someone tapped on his car window. He thought, “Good grief! Did they chase me out here?” He rolled down the window and a man smiled and said, “We are the lucky ones.” He answered, “I’m miserable. How can we be the lucky ones?” Later he recalled thinking, ‘I want to be one of the lucky ones!’ Those were his first words to the man who became his sponsor for the next nine years. He said that he felt adrift with his recent move. He had spoken with his sponsor by phone once since being there, and was looking to get settled into A. A. in Croatia. He said he was grateful to see another American in recovery. We talked for a while about how good it was to be able to be sober. That meeting meant a lot to me. I really believe that we are the lucky ones! – Jeff W.

“Going back out.” Only three words, but in many respects the scariest three words we can hear in AA.  Many of us who have been out dread the thought of going back out but we do it, again and again.  One of the greatest strengths of AA is that the group continues to support fellow members who make that huge mistake.  How many of us don’t come back in out of fear that they won’t be received with open arms upon returning to the group? After an extended trip to the dark side I have gone to new groups just to avoid the stigma of screwing up.  I have learned in my 13 years (in and out) that members want to do anything possible to encourage us to come back and work the program again and again.  The program’s lack of judgment is in many respects it’s greatest strength, I would like to thank everyone who has encouraged people like myself to come back to meetings.

Thanks, Trip M.

Having been in and out of addiction, alcoholism, and institutions for 32 years, I’ve gratefully just celebrated my 4th year of recovery. It has been a hard, hard road as I am back in prison for the seventh time for having dirty U.A’s. I am ever grateful for the chance to reach out to another person who’s in recovery also. I’ve never worked the 12 steps until now, and I am grateful for the journey. I stay in today only and sometimes I can only stay in the moment. It is not enough for me to be “dry” in prison. I now know that I must always be vigilant in working my program even in prison. I’ve come to learn that I have to reach out to God, others in recovery, and stay connected to myself. Prison is not forced recovery – I must always work on my recovery. The last four years gave me a bit of a head start on my sobriety and I’m grateful.

-Cassie R.

Hi, I am a grateful alcoholic. I never knew this day would come, only because I have drank most of my adult life. I thought my life was wonderful. Me and the drink took over 30 years to get stuck together. Jack, Jim, and the favorite was Sunny Brook. Life took a wide detour towards a big wake-up called rude awakening. I now sit in a nice room with others who have been in the same dilemma as myself. I receive strength by coming to our Thursday Alcoholic Anonymous meeting. It brings hope to another young alcoholic or addict when I see new comers who embrace this program. Being here in prison has its ups and downs, however I can manage to cope with everyday problems without reaching hopelessness. I’m able to endure this on Life’s terms. A.A. has given this native woman courage, strength, and hope to live without alcohol. I thank my Creator for giving me this second chance. Also the system. I have 4 years of recovery. I am happy these days. -Natalie

A deep dive into the first 164 pages of the Big Book is just cover for a raucous girls’ weekend, right? In fact, the Women’s Big Book Retreat (WBBR) lived up to its billing. We covered 164 pages, eleven chapters, twelve steps and many odds and ends. I heard a warning that “this is not an excuse to get out of working the steps with your sponsor.” I set aside my big-book-boredom and unexpectedly found insight on issues that had been nagging at me. I confiscated new slogans. I found a way to identify as a 1%er (long-term sobriety). I got a new makeup tip, plus meals and a bunk bed. All-in-all, $75 was a good investment to attend the WBBR held Sept 8, 9 and 10 at a dusty campground in the Uinta mountains.    WBBR is not an AA-sanctioned event; it is one woman’s walk through the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. She shared conventional wisdom as well as new ideas by describing her experience in 28-years of sobriety. I felt right at home when her introduction to the Big Book mirrored what my sponsor had done with me 19 years ago – starting at the oft-ignored publishing dates, preface and table of contents. During her presentations in the spacious lodge, some of the 70-plus attendees busily highlighted and underlined their Big Book. One made jewelry, one meditated in the lotus position, most listened intently while chomping on a treat of some kind. I crocheted a few rows. At times I felt like a student at Miss Pamala’s Finishing School because it was clear I was being schooled by a fine lady. In the next moment she would tell a raw story with such honesty that it made me wince. I was moved by her generosity of spirit and comfort in her own skin. She gave me ideas I had never heard (Chapter 10 “To Employers” offers ideas on sponsorship). Occasionally groups of women would break away for their own meeting, gab-fest or walk in the woods. It was heaven. As with any kind of travel or emotional cleansing, WBBR was not all fun and games. Sleeping rituals were disturbed, bowel movements became irregular and I got cranky at my bunkmates. But I knew from past experience that if I could hold on until Sunday (wait until the miracle happens), there were a couple of surprises in store. I won’t give them away because you really have to be there to feel the impact. The WBBR has been an ongoing event in this region for nearly three decades. A core group of women keep it going and it was clear the behind-the-scenes work for this annual event is massive. At registration, you sign up for two kitchen shifts, and for the most part, everyone bellied-up-to-the-bar to help with the care and feeding of the large group. I saw myself in other women’s stories and patted myself on the back for showing up for my own recovery. I can’t wait until next year. – Lucy H.

Hello my name is Craig… Regarding alcohol, I have a little different story than most. I didn’t pick up my first drink until I was 42. I loved it. It was so nice to be able to escape the fears of life. Alcohol quickly took over my life and I couldn’t imagine living a day without it. As alcohol started to take over my life, I became more and more miserable and shot full of holes. I couldn’t go a day without it. I needed to drink to be functional. I have never felt so alone and miserable. The problem I found myself in was that I had to stop drinking or I would lose my job. This was/is very difficult to do considering I couldn’t go hours without drinking let alone days and months. I needed help, I knew I had to stop but I couldn’t . I checked myself into detox and after 7 days without drinking I was sure I was cured and ready to never drink again. The same day I got out of detox I found myself drunk with no idea why. I didn’t even try to resist the urge to drink. After a few more months of heavy drinking, I once again checked into a detox facility and was sure that this time I could stop. Once again, I was drunk the day I got out. I remember sitting on my bed so confused and bewildered at why I had drank again? I remember this over powerful feeling that I was losing. I was a full fledged alcoholic and I had no idea how to stop. This is where AA came into the picture. I called AA that same night and asked where a meeting was, I went to that Saturday night meeting not knowing anyone. I ended up doing 90 meetings in 90 days. For the first time in my life someone or something taught me how to stop drinking. They taught me that I can never socially drink again, I had to completely give up alcohol for good. They taught me about a higher power who has the power to completely remove the obsession. Through my actions of attending meetings, reading the big book 5 times back to back and getting a sponsor, God took away my obsession with alcohol. I haven’t had another drink for a little over 2 years now. The pain of that first year sober is pretty much gone. I was a slave and now I am free. It’s a wonderful feeling. After being so blessed through becoming apart of AA I wanted to give back what I had learned to others. I heard about taking AA into the jail, I signed up to volunteer every Sunday. I have such a special opportunity to work with the men in the prison, those guys could have been me, the only difference is they got caught. Carrying AA into the prison is such a privilege and honor. The more I work with the group the more hope I can see in their eyes. Sunday night is the highlight of my week , I am so proud to be a member of a group that has one purpose and that is to help others who suffer with addictions. I truly love this program.

-Craig

In April 2015 I woke up in a holding cell in the county jail. Only then did I realize that I was in the relapse that had been controlling my life for over two years. I was told that my bail was one million dollars. I knew I was in a lot of trouble!! The first couple of months of jail I was held in administrative segregation, where all I could do was read, pray and have conversation with one other inmate. It was “hard time”. I realized how much I wanted the sobriety that I’d thrown away and decided to start working the 12 steps again. I turned to God with full purpose of heart. There were three meetings a week and a workshop service available and I attended them all with an attitude of humility and desire. I was miraculously provided with a sponsor and over the course of the next 18 months I thoroughly worked and lived the principles of recovery. As I did so I felt the power of God come into my life and heart. In November of 2016 I came to prison. As I sat in a cell receiving an orientation, wondering what my fate would be, and praying for help, I was given a strong moment of serenity where my higher power let me know that wherever I went in the system, and however long I had to be here, he would be with and take care of me. I’ve been in the conquest program of the prison since December, 2016. We have 13 twelve step meetings available per week and some great volunteers from the street who make them all possible. I consider our Sunday night big book study my home group. The street volunteer Pine is a great blessing to us. His story is nothing short of a motivational miracle and provides all of us with hope! As I’ve given myself to the 12-steps of A. A. over the last 28 months of my life I’ve felt a tangible sense of peace come into my heart and mind. I know it works! Thanks for letting me share… Jay D.

Sobriety and mindfulness are cathartic and healing. I can just breathe and watch the universe unfold. This has healed any illness I have had. Mindfulness is a blessing in my sobriety. According to Jon Kabat Zen the word mindfulness is derived from medicine. As Saki Santorelli said regarding healing thyself: “Look at the bandaged spot, and let the light in; the light comes not from without but from within.” The two requirements of Step Three in the Big Book are that no human power can relieve my alcoholism, and I am not God. If I just do the footwork and Let Go & Let God, I can pay attention, not perseverate, not beat up on myself, or even think. I had three alcoholic grandparents and two functional alcoholic parents who were obsessive-compulsive atheist controllers. I was taught to be an alcoholic. By 1997 I had found a Higher Power within and met my husband at a prayer circle group at a church but was a social drinker not bitten by the disease yet. I had knocked off my drinking in my twenties and didn’t realize until 2004 that I had an allergy to alcohol; it makes me mentally ill, and I started to crave it. Working the steps in the AA Program eight times and step work in Al anon three times and finally adult child step work has been healing me like the un-peeling of layers of an onion. Now I can finally rest with my Higher Power and watch the show. As the “Just for Today” Al anon Bookmark comments: “Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not adjust myself to my own desires. I can take my “luck” as it comes, and fit myself to it.” I am walking with my Higher Power. As the AA 10th Step Promises State: “And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone—-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If temped, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.” As the 11th Step States on page 87 of the Big Book: “We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems.” This is how I came to believe, pay attention, and heal today.

Patricia N.