Category: Lifeline

Early in my sobriety, my sponsor was constantly encouraging me to volunteer for every little thing that came up, so when they were looking for AA volunteers for prison, I felt that familiar elbow in my ribs. I knew where I was headed and I soon found myself at the Fred House training center at the Utah State Prison for an indoctrination class. It didn’t look too bad.  After waiting for months without a response to my application, I called, only to learn that I had been denied because I had a relative, unknown to me, in the area I would be going into and that was not allowed. After three or four more attempts, I decided to forget it. Nineteen years later, after I got one of my sponsees involved in service, he wondered why I was not going into the prison, as well. I explained the problem and he suggested I try again. How’s that? The sponsee is telling the sponsor what to do. Ok. I’ll do it! Amazingly, it went right through and I was soon walking through the gates of the Lone Peak Facility for my first prison meeting. One of the inmates there had written to World Services and had the Life Elevated Group recognized as an official AA meeting. That first meeting quickly fueled my passion and I accepted the responsibility for the Sunday night meetings. Some nights there were only two of us, but on others, there were up to 16 men. It is never the same, but everyone always has a chance to share. I have been fortunate to take some of these men to their first meetings after being released, and have also seen them accept additional chips for years of sobriety.

Unfortunately, as we know, some people just can’t seem to get it, and I have seen some back behind the fence shortly after being released. Perhaps next time will be different!

After three years, due to a dwindling population and budget cuts, the Lone Peak Facility and other small sections are being shuttered. Most inmates will move to the Wasatch Facility, others to the Gunnison Prison and some to local jails or halfway houses. I have been assured that once everyone has been transferred, we can resume our Sunday meetings at Wasatch. Not soon enough! These people think we go out there just for them, but these meetings have certainly helped to keep me sober. Thanks for the opportunity to serve.

–John E.

Okay, so the first eight steps were behind me. I felt as if I had already given so much of myself in the previous steps, but was now faced with moving from behind the shield of protection that surrounded me in AA, to the firing line of reality.  Could I do it?

I had felt protected.  I had felt safe.  All the things that I had shared or accomplished to this point were conducted in AA meetings, or were shared with my sponsor in working the steps, in safe and protected rooms.  The people I had harmed were still just in written form, on a piece of paper.  I knew the harm had been done, but it seemed distant and less real, even though I had just completed a thorough eighth step.  They were names on paper, that’s all.  Standing in front of a piece of paper with a list of names on it did not seem threatening in any form.

My sponsor was great at bringing me back to reality.  I won’t say he was a big book thumper, but he knew that if I wanted to truly get over drinking, that Step Nine must be completed.  We read and reread pages 76-84 in the Big Book, which provide the primary instructions for making amends to those we harmed, and then he set me free to go make amends.  I found that I could do it, but more importantly, that I WOULD do it.  Willingness: the word that leads to honesty and open-mindedness, and ultimately ACTION.

My experience boils down to this:  First – pray for courage before meeting with any individual that you are going to make direct amends to (you must stay spiritually fit).  Second – keep it honest and simple and stay on task, never get defensive.  Third – disclose directly the reasons you are making amends as you understand the situation.  Fourth – ask the person what harm you have caused them (it is easy to express what you believe happened, but entirely different to know what they experienced, or how they felt when we harmed them)..  Five – ask not for forgiveness, but make a sincere apology to the one you harmed and ask specifically what you can do to ‘make it right’, and if it is not immoral or unethical, do all you can to heed their request.  Six – accept that you did all you are required to do to make amends, regardless of the outcome.  Surprisingly you will find that most amends end positively.

My strength boils down to this:  The ninth step promises are real.  My favorite promise from working this step is that I will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace, followed by not being afraid of people anymore, especially those I harmed.

My hope boils down to this:  I hope you pray for the courage to do this step.  The freedom is immeasurable and the promises are life-changing.  I hope you lean on your sponsor for direction and take advantage of their experience and guidance along with the suggestions found in pages 76-84 of the Big Book and complimented by the suggestions in the Twelve and Twelve on step nine.  Taking AA from the rooms of AA into action is life changing.  You want to quit drinking for good?  Then take this step completely and thoroughly.   Remember: Half-measures avail us nothing…..

– Lloyd R

Tradition Nine is astonishing, “AA as such ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.” In the words of Bill W, “The least possible organization, that’s our universal ideal. No fees, no dues, no rules imposed on anybody, one alcoholic bringing recovery to the next; that’s the substance of what we most desire, isn’t it?”

As an alcoholic, recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, I’m still riddled with character defects… the biggest one is the idea that “I know what’s right for other people.”  Even after a few 24 hours, those defects crop up most often in situations I am passionate about. The 9th tradition helps keep me right sized, keep me in the center of the heap instead of trying to climb to the top of it or hide underneath it. The 9th Tradition reminds me I am just a person amidst a sea of people. That was something my sponsor really drove home… that I am unique but not different.

Like the actor in The Big Book, I am sometimes tempted to run the whole show. If everyone would just play the role I assigned everything would turn out fine. There are cautioning words later in working with others… Bill stresses that we do not know what’s right for other people… only what is right for me.

It was in my first business meeting in a home group with several hundred members I had my first encounter with the 9th tradition. A hot topic was being called to vote, there were many passionate views being expressed on both sides… things were getting heated. It was those Elder Statesman that gently reminded the group of tradition and concept, and then allowed the chips to fall as they may.  And while there were members sober much longer than me, my vote counted just as much. That’s the group conscience working in Alcoholics Anonymous. Then I’m just another Bozo on the bus, period- not better than or worse than.

Today I seek to see myself as one in the family, a worker among workers, just another driver on the highway of life. The 9th tradition taught me that.

-Anna S.

What constitutes a good AA meeting? Please do not ask me for a list of questions which might draw more varied responses than this. Suffice it to say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So in attempt to pare the possibilities, let’s consider the beholder. As the author I would like to point out my near-lifelong willingness to share/write about things I claim to have experienced myself. So, for our purposes here and in adherence to the prescribed article parameters, our beholder (AA meeting attendee) is a straight male in recovery from alcoholism. With this knowledge we are now able to respectfully eliminate responses from gay men and the fairer sex.

Certainly any AA meeting should contain/emit some structure. A timely opening of the meeting as published is a good way to start. Perhaps a reading of the AA Preamble and rules of participation for the individual meeting could follow. How It Works and the Twelve Traditions are great informative readings describing what we’re all about and should succeed the aforementioned. At this juncture we have a great start for what is involved in a good AA meeting. This being the “boilerplate” as it was.

However, the aforementioned has only set up an opportunity for our male in recovery from alcoholism to receive what he may require for a sober day. More succinctly what might our man require out of a meeting to qualify it as helpful? A collected and widely viewed thought is that a man should be able to view the room’s male attendees and feel “a part of.” An “ironclad” way of insuring this is to become involved in some type of service for that group.

We believe it is nearly critical for a man to feel “a part of” a group of men in recovery. Childhood issues of the individual male experience may stay with a fellow for his lifetime. On display at any men’s AA gathering are prime examples of men dealing with past male abuse issues; distrust, fear and in general a misunderstanding all together of male-machismo. Additionally on display is the resulting behaviors of men with differing, shall we say, more fortunate male experiences of; guidance, comradery, masculine friendship/bonding and trust. The mixture of these varied experiences is a wonder as men give freely of what they have and others are welcome to consider, absorb and or take what they are lacking or are attracted to. A men’s AA meeting is a great place for a man to determine that he is perhaps not so different from his male alcoholic colleagues.

If a man peruses the attendees of a men’s AA meeting he may be inclined to lose focus through various fellows, looks, demeanor or apparent state of emotion. Generally speaking, he can and will regain his focus momentarily. When a man peruses those in attendance of a coed AA meeting he will absolutely lose his focus at one time or another with virtually little or no chance of recovering it prior to the closing. I make this last statement in jest and sincere truth alike. Certainly a man can be a positive contributor/receptor of a coed AA meeting but for many men, the fewer distractions the better chance for focus. Along this line is the likelihood that the female presence can and will give different motivations to some men’s thought processes and subsequent sharing. Perhaps proving to be dissuasion from an honest share from the heart?

As with any AA meeting there are positive and negative examples of humanity in recovery or perhaps new verse more experienced is a more appropriate way to put it? For what it is worth to the eye of our beholder; if it looks like a man, talks like a man, dresses like a man, drinks like an alcoholic man, this man should be most willing to subject himself to the world of male recovery a minimum of once per week. Any AA should always pursue improvement as in enhancement to their recovery as well as the giving away of what one has so freely been given. It is beneficial for our man to learn to trust, include, serve, work with and realize the commonalities which we all share.

In closing I should like to say that the first two years of my sobriety were in men’s groups exclusively. It was not designed that way. It was simply that when women attended they rarely came back. When I began to participate in coed meetings my eyes were opened to the female side of alcoholism. I was amazed at the many commonalities, the differences and also the varied feelings regarding a female perspective of the Big Book and Its 1930’s-esqe writing. My early male dominated influence set me on a solid path albeit a double-standard and sexist one. I learned this through coed AA. I maintain that a well-informed male in AA needs both coed and men’s meetings. However, there is no substitution for that one hour per week. Thank you.

-Jon

It was started in 1976 by Marian B and B. Marvis L, Marian and Marvis were working for South Valley Counseling Services, funded by Salt Lake County, After losing their funding, they founded the Sobriety Corporation, The meeting location was across the street from Hillcrest High School, that’s why it’s called the Hillcrest Group. After the meeting, we would walk across the parking lot to the Belgian Waffle Restaurant. We also held a few meetings in the back room of the restaurant.

Over the years, the group had to move many times. We have had many landlords. After leaving the offices of the Sobriety Corporation, they went out of business. We moved to a little, white, wood frame building on State Street by the Last Outpost Restaurant. That building is now a trophy store. The group then moved to the back room of the South Seas Restaurant, now closed. We met for about two months in the Copperview Community Center. We had two or three meetings in a beauty salon in Murray. We then moved to the American Legion Hall in Sandy until it burned down. When we were at that location, we were giving a lady in the group $10,00 to bake cakes for those celebrating A.A. birthdays, Instead, she spent the money to go to school. She said she meant to pay it back, but the money was never repaid_ George, the Commander of the American Legion Hall, called to tell me that we were about 11 months past due on the rent. At the next meeting, we told the group what had happened.  We passed a basket around and collected more than enough money to pay the rent.

We then moved to our present location, St, James Episcopal Church, 7486 Union Park Avenue. Marian didn’t give chips. She made up paper bags with colored stars on them. She had a formula for the number of stars in particular colors for each length of sobriety.

When we were meeting by the Belgian Waffle Restaurant, we would randomly speak. If there was a pause in the speaking, the Chair person would call on someone to speak. When the Central Office wanted the groups to have historians, a lady named Rachel told us she wanted to be our group historian. We gave her all the group history and never saw her again. Marian kept all the sobriety birth dates on index cards in a recipe box

For many years, the group had summer picnics funded with profits from the book raffle_ A young man named Mike, hosted the first one in his grandmother’s backyard. There was a rope tied in a tree and we tried to climb it. The picnics were potluck and most of them were at Riverton Park. We would play horse shoes and volleyball. The last two were at Murray Park. I miss them.

-Reed P.

There once was a girl. She didn’t know much but that changed. She was confused about what was happening. She thought and thought and just had a gut feeling, and later found out that all of her thoughts and feelings were right, her dad was doing drugs. She just didn’t know how bad it was. She was very close with her dad, but finding out the truth made her more distant from him, she didn’t want to get even more hurt than she already was. The girl started to notice that her dad was getting worse so she asked her mom what was going on. Her mom told her that her dad was doing heroin instead of pain pills now. The girl knew that was one of the worst drugs. Her mom couldn’t handle it anymore and wanted to get a divorce. Her dad found out and went crazy. He started doing meth. He stole everything from the family to get money for drugs because he obviously didn’t have a job anymore. The family kicked him out of their house. He had nowhere to go because nobody wants a drug addict living in their house so he had to live in his car. After a while of not seeing him the family decided to meet him for lunch because their grandpa just died. The girl has never seen her dad that bad. At that point he was mixing heroin and meth together. He had all of his stuff locked up in chains because he thought somebody was out to get him. Everybody kept telling him he needed to go get help, he didn’t actually want help but he went and got it anyways to make everyone happy except for himself. Right as he got out of rehab he went right back to doing drugs, it wasn’t even two days! The girl was hurt, all she wanted was for this to be over, it was hurting her so bad. She thought the best way to make her feel better was to be mean to her dad whenever he talked to her or not even talk to him at all, but she didn’t know that it was hurting her even more. One day something really bad happened, the girls dad was so high that he threatened somebody, he thought that guy was out to get him when really he wasn’t. He got a felony for that. He would never do that when he was clean so after that the girls dad decided himself that he wanted to get better. Nobody forced him too. The girl saw her dad clean and realized she didn’t want to be mean to him anymore. She knew she would be happier if she had memories with her dad when he was gone rather than not having any memories with him at all. She also knew that in order for her dad to get better she needed to support him and be there for him. He has been clean for over 7 months now and the girl is more forgiving for his choices and not as angry with him. She still isn’t as close with him as she used to be and probably never will be but she is still working on being close with him and she will now have good memories with him, and if he chooses to go back to drugs she’s going to be more forgiving and be there for him when he needs it. She now knows that addiction takes over your whole life and what he does while he is high he can’t control it.

-Anonymous (14 years old)

Tradition 8: Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

“Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional. We define professionalism as the occupation of counseling alcoholics for fees or hire. But we may employ alcoholics where they are going to perform those services for which we might otherwise have to engage non-alcoholics. Such special services may be well recompensed. But our usual A.A. “12th Step” work is never to be paid for.” Bill Wilson 1948

Alcoholics Anonymous has been around for decades. All around the world sick and suffering alcoholics have stepped into these rooms and achieved sobriety. Many relapse, some die, many make it back to the rooms. Alcoholics Anonymous is completely non-professional, and almost entirely unorganized. This works wonderfully. Spiritual experiences are flowing from alcoholics who are well to those who are sick. One alcoholic talking to another; it’s really quite simple.

Is it possible that this program could ever be professionalized?  Absolutely not. All the efforts to “professionalize” A.A have failed miserably. A.A. will not tolerate the idea of paid “A.A. Therapists” or “organizers”. This life saving program can never be diluted by “professionals”.

It is true that few subjects have been the cause of more contention within our Fellowship than professionalism. Caretakers who swept floors, cooks who fried hamburgers, secretaries in offices, authors writing books–all these we have seen hotly assailed because they were, as their critics angrily remarked, “making money out of A.A.” Ignoring the fact that these labors were not Twelfth Step jobs at all, the critics attacked as A.A. professionals these workers of ours who were often doing thankless tasks that no one else could or would do. Even greater furors were provoked when A.A. members began to run rest homes and farms for alcoholics, when some hired out to corporations as personnel men in charge of the alcoholic wards, when others entered the field of alcohol education. In all these instances, and more, it was claimed that A.A. knowledge and experience were being sold for money, hence these people, too, were professionals.

Bill W. once said, “There are people who serve us full time in other capacities such as: cooks, caretakers and paid Intergroup secretaries. These people are not “A.A. professionals”. They are just making more and better 12th Step work possible. Secretaries at their desks are valuable points of contact, information and public relations. That is what they are paid for, and nothing else. They help carry the good news of A.A. to the outside world. That’s not “A.A. therapy”; it’s just a lot of very necessary but often thankless work.”

-Candi

My sobriety date is December 4, 1986 and I was introduced to AA through the rooms of Al-anon; for the very first time in my life people listened to me and wanted to know my story. I was HOME for sure; then when I went to my first AA meeting and saw the steps on the wall I was in shock! They certainly did not apply to ME! not ME! the perfect one; I soon learned that those 12 steps would be a map through my life, those 12 steps were the key that unlocked the prison I had been living in for many years. I really thought that “doing” the steps was the easiest thing to do…well… until I started getting serious about the steps.

The 12 steps of AA are very much like a “rotorooter” service guy (sponsor) who continually says “Hey there is more ‘crap’ over here.” My first 4th step was a “piece of work” because there were so many people who had “used and abused” me and of course they were all at fault.  When my sponsor said, “what was YOUR part in all of this?” I was so stubborn about looking at my part; until she pointed out that I was the common thread in all my affairs; especially after creating a list of my character “barriers” that kept me from the sunlight of the spirit and my own peace of mind.

After many hours of back and forth conversations with my sponsor I made that list! Then she dropped the bomb on me! “Let’s create a list of the people that were damaged by your drinking, because we are going to start looking at the process of “making amends.” Oh I was hating this very much but KNEW it was the only way. Step eight states ” Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” All this step asks of us is to become willing and make a list!  Nothing more, nothing less!   But as a newcomer I made a mountain out of a mole hill.

The process wasn’t that hard since I only had a few names on that list … you know the big ones… Mother, Father, ex’s, etc. but when my sponsor said “what about putting YOU on the list” it got immediately hard!  Oh I could put my name there on the list… but become willing to make amends to ME!!!  That wasn’t going to be easy.  Getting willing was a roller coaster ride; some days I was very willing.. next day not so much and other days … NOT at all.  So I just kept praying for the willingness to be willing!  Every day, over and over, I prayed for willingness to be willing… and then one morning out of no where came the surprise visit from….WILLINGNESS!   I was there, I could feel it, taste it, and I knew I was ready.  I was “movin’ on down the road.” Next stop … STEP NINE!

-Barbara P.