Category: Lifeline

The first time I admitted to another human being, and probably to myself, that I was an alcoholic was to my then husband. We were at one of his friend’s wedding and I had to stay in the car because I was so drunk and was having a meltdown.  A couple of weeks before, I had spent five nights in jail after being arrested for a DUI. Our nine month old little girl was in the car with me when that happened. I don’t remember much of that conversation in the car but I do remember finally bursting out between all the tears “I’m a drunk” and feeling a great sense of relief. That was the very beginning of a long struggle with recovery.

I had heard of AA but didn’t know anything about it. So I looked it up on the internet but the words God and Higher Power scared me and even pissed me off. Instead, I chose to go to an outpatient program. Ironically, one of the first things I found out is that we were required to attend at least one AA meeting a week!

I completed the 32 week program and kept going to my AA meetings. I had come to actually like my 6:30 am meeting with who I used to call “the grumpy old men”. But I was still a stubborn atheist and refused to work the program. I had been an elite athlete my whole life and had plenty of discipline and will power to stay sober. You can imagine how well that worked out! The next 5 years would be filled with periods of sobriety, periods of heavy drinking and lots and lots of lies. I hurt and deceived many people during those years, and created a lot of wreckage.

After the birth of my twins, I was back on the bottle and heading towards a complete state of self-destruction. I separated from my husband and the kids went to stay with their grandparents in a different state. I was devastated and I literally drowned my sorrows. I became a complete slave to alcohol and it was going to take me to some very dark places, places I would have never imagined I’d go. Alcohol took all my judgment away and led me to a bad relationship, to drugs, prostitution, troubles with the law, the loss of my kids and everything else that I had, including my dignity and self-respect. That’s when I came crawling back to the rooms of AA, alone, scared and oh so paranoid! But something had changed in me and I was now certain that there was a Higher Power, a God, and that although He was definitively showing me what tough love was, He was behind me 100%.

I dove into the AA program; I found a sponsor, started working the steps and got involved in service work. I even got a job at the Fellowship Hall. Those were still some pretty dark days though. I didn’t necessarily want to stay sober, I just knew I had to.

After a while, the clouds started to dissipate and I couldn’t deny that I was actually feeling pretty good and was even happy for the first time in my life. Even more astonishing, I (yes me) had friends, real friends! People who understood me, cared about me and for whom I cared about deeply as well. So I dove even deeper in the program. I introduced new things into my recovery such as meditation, Church, exercise and AA’s sister fellowships.

Today, I have just over 7 months and I love my sober life. Even with the hurts, the drama, the disappointments and the frustrations that sometimes come my way, I would not trade this gift for any drink or drug. And I am grateful for every bits of my past because it led me to where I’m at today; home.

V. L. ~ Salt Lake City

Presenting at Kearns High was a privilege and a wonderful experience. I am glad I arrived early, as I was able to talk to Meg and Ryan for a few minutes after their class and see how their presentation went. Talking with them helped me to relax and realize this was very informal. They told me nothing was really off limits and to just be honest and tell your experience. I then talked with the teacher,  for a few minutes, trying to get a feel for what the class structure was like, and what was really taboo. I was encouraged to hold nothing back in my story, and related my experiences with what it was in high school, and later on as my disease progressed.

I was the first to speak, so much of my sharing was introducing what AA is by reading the preamble, what it isn’t and stressing our singleness of purpose, a brief description of how it started, the 12 steps , how widespread and prolific AA is, where you can go to seek help, my understanding of the disease itself, the importance of working with others and the “one day at a time” concept, and even spoke of the spiritual principles we strive to live by and God (something I would have shunned when I was their age).

I mixed all this in while also sharing my story, kind of improvising. I had read much of the recommended literature, and was surprised when nearly all the students at the end of the class raised their hands when asked who wanted the literature. It was great being able to hear Katie’s story, and she did a wonderful job sharing her experience, strength and hope. I’d seen her around before, but never introduced myself, so it was nice to make a new friend. After we had both shared, we showed the class a couple short films and left enough time for ten minutes of Q&A.

Most of the kids were shy, but many soon opened up and were asking us questions about what my sponsor does (I began telling them my sponsor was retired and did consulting work on the side, and then realized they weren’t interested in his profession. DUH!) if there were meetings geared toward young people and how young were some of our members, are some steps harder than others, etc…

Afterwards we both got a round of applause, which was flattering and funny, and I felt greatly appreciated. I remember thinking that when I was their age I probably wouldn’t have taken much interest in some stranger talking to me about AA, and how I thought I would never become an alcoholic. If one seed was planted there that can help one person find the rooms of AA, I would feel that our job was well done.

Thank you again for the opportunity to speak.

Sincerely, Patrick R.

“Each Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose—that of carrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.” Bill W. wrote this in a Grapevine article in April 1948 he goes on to say we have a sacred trust, “”that only a recovered alcoholic can do much for a sick alcoholic,”.

I could quote and quote of how many times the above idea is repeated in our literature.  That the very core of our program is for one alki to help another alki get through the swinging doors.  I was once privileged to hear two meth addicts share with one another their experience, it was the most intimate conversation outside of sex I can remember.  They were connecting on a level denied to me, because I was outside looking in, I could not identify with what they were sharing.  That is what members of AA are asking for, the right to have a meeting where that intimacy is allowed. Where the direction, content and purpose of ANY AA meeting reserves the right to help only those who have a desire not to drink.

Approximately eighty five percent of the meetings in Utah are open meetings. They are not open, as they were when I got sober, to allow wives and children to hear how AA works from other members.  Not there to allow that drunk who couldn’t make up his mind to listen to a member of AA share their open meeting story.  No the open meetings in Utah, and other areas are there to allow those with “problems other than alcohol” to participate.

I can hear the grip already, “damn old timer” you are absolutely right but how did I get to be an old timer. I surrendered to a Higher Power and followed the men and women who knew how to stay sober.  If alcohol is not your most pressing problem have the respect and courtesy of bringing your problem to a group of men and women who can help you.  But you are not the problem the problem are the members of AA who lack the courage to up hold the principles of AA.  To hold sacred the torch being passed to them that when my loved ones need a meeting where they can find the holy connection that I had when Joe C came to my house and shared his story.

Is your group dedicated to helping only alcoholics?

~ John McG.
Park City

Throughout our world service structure, a traditional “right of appeal” ought to prevail, thus assuring us that minority opinion will be heard and that petitions for the redress of personal grievances will be carefully considered.

This Concept establishes not only the right for minority opinion to be heard and grievances addressed, but imposes upon the minority a responsibility to express their point of view, and upon the majority the responsibility of really listening with an open mind.

It can be extremely difficult to stand up and express a minority opinion, particularly when the minority appears to be very small. From childhood most of us have been told that in a democracy “the majority rules”. Many of us have a fear of ridicule, or being judged, or looking foolish among our peers. In A.A., however, each of us has an obligation to share our thoughts.

All of us who have been in service for some time have seen situations where the minority opinion expressed has brought to the attention of the group a facet of the question that had been overlooked, and has thus changed the outcome of a vote.

Concept Five recognizes that minorities can frequently be right, and that even when they are partly or wholly in error they still perform a valuable service when they bring about a thorough discussion of important issues. Bill Wilson tells us that the well-heard minority is our chief protection against an uninformed, misinformed, hasty or angry majority.

Strictly speaking, a democracy operates on the will of the majority, no matter how slim that majority may be. We have found in Alcoholics Anonymous, however, that our Third Legacy method of electing delegates, in which a two thirds majority is required, or the top candidates names are placed in the hat and the trusted servant is the person whose name is drawn, has strengthened the spirit of democracy among us.

Another example is the way the General Service Conference operates, refusing to take important decisions on anything less than a two thirds vote, and even when a two thirds vote has been obtained allowing for the minority opinion to be heard once more.

One additional note: while several people may vote in the minority, not all of their objections may be the same. It is always a good idea to allow for more than one person to be heard if they have something new to add to the discussion.

One of the best ways I know to come to agreement is thorough and open discussion of all the points of view represented in any group. This can and does often take a substantial amount of time, spread over more than one meeting. In this time of instant electronic communication the process may seem to be painfully slow. But taking this time, and allowing always for the minority opinion to be heard, can ensure that our Higher Power, as expressed in our group conscience, will be heard.

Thus, this Concept protects Alcoholics Anonymous from the tyranny of either the majority or the minority, so long as we serve in the spirit of the Twelve Steps, the Twelve Traditions, and the Conference Charter.

Yours in service,

Mickey H.
Past Delegate, Panel 49, Utah Area 69

I don’t remember ever hearing a term like “The gates of insanity” before.  It sure did describe me when I got here.  In fact, I think I had one foot inside the gate.  I knew I was crazy and there was no hope for me.

The program of AA has promised me that if I am rigorously honest with myself and if I am willing to turn my life over to a power greater than myself, I will be able to stay sober.

“We are as sick as our secrets”.  How many times have I heard that in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous?  I had thought of, said and done things that were far worse than any of you.  I knew that some of those things were not just unforgettable but they were unforgivable by you and by God.

Just thinking about doing the 4^th and 5^th steps scared me so much that I couldn’t take the 2^nd and 3^rd steps.

Who could I possibly tell my sick secrets to?  And anyway, who had the right to know all of that stuff.  Some of it I had actually gotten away with for years.  Why give myself up now.  Our literature talks about fear as an evil and corroding thread and that the fabric of our existence was shot through with it.  My fabric was rotten.

One day, I was sitting at my Sponsors for tea and a chat.  She knew how fearful I was.  I just couldn’t get started working and living the steps.  I wanted to.  I just couldn’t.  She caught me off guard when she stuck her head around the corner from the kitchen and asked me “So, what is it you are so afraid to tell me?”  I blurted out the answer.  It happened too quickly for fear to get in the way.  She simply said “Oh, okay” and went on fixing tea.

It was like removing a plug from a drain.  I was able to start from the beginning.  That big, deep, dark secret was out in the sunlight.  Now I could work on it. One of the things she told me that day was that I should never try to forget my secret but to use it in the future to help others.  She said it would eventually turn into a gift.  She was right.

That was just the beginning.  Now I needed to go back to Steps 1, 2, 3 and 4.  Then I could move on to Step 5.  When that day came, it was time to share with God and another human being all of my resentments and my part in them.  I chose to take this important step with my Sponsor.

We started with a prayer – asking for both of our minds and our hearts to be open to my higher power.  I prayed that I would be able to be totally honest with her and with God.  She prayed that God would help her to help me.

Resentments will not go away without work on my part.  I used to have a sign in my office that said, “Problems that go away by themselves – will come back by themselves.”  So will my resentments – just like a boomerang.  I needed to move on to 6 and 7 right away.

There are some things that I know about myself today.  Self-knowledge will not keep me sober.  I am still an alcoholic even though I haven’t had a drink in over 26 years.  Fear of the consequences will not keep me from a drink

A few years ago, my husband Mike and I were sitting in a deli in New York.  They had huge bowls of pickles on the tables.  As it often does, our conversation had gone to recovery.  What a great example we had in front of us.  The pickles!  Once a cucumber has been changed into a pickle, it stays a pickle no matter what you do to it.  There is no way I can ever be a non-alcoholic!

Our book says, “Spiritual principles will solve all my problems.”  I must rely on my higher power to keep me sane, sober and out of the pickle barrel.

~ Greater Kearns Group
4290 West 5415 South
Mondays 8:00pm

The 1^st Annual Central Office/Intergroup Gathering was held Saturday, March 17, 2012, from 12-5 at the Salt Lake Central Office. The Gathering was the result of a few people wanting to provide and promote communication between the Utah Central Offices and Intergroups, and with Utah Area 69, similar to the Annual Central Office/Intergroup AAWS/AA Grapevine Seminar, which is attended by Central Offices and Intergroups from the U.S and Canada and the General Service Office.

An invitation went out from the Salt Lake Central Office to the Ogden Central Office, Cache Valley Intergroup, Utah Valley Central Office, Dixie Central Office and the Utah Area 69 Delegate to attend the five hour gathering, with a request for topics of discussion. The response was overwhelmingly positive with acceptance from all invitees.

The topics requested were: “What services do Central Offices/Intergroups provide?”, “How are those services distributed?”, “What is an effective relationship between local Central Offices and District and Area Committees?” and  “How can we serve with a spirit of cooperation?”

Attendees began arriving at 11:00 am and continued to come until 1:00 pm when all 20 participants were present. Introductions began at noon and continued as people arrived.

The first discussion began after a brief break, “What services do Central Offices/Intergroups provide?” was combined with the second, “How are those services distributed?” The discussion included current practices, current problems and hoped for outcomes. Many similarities were discovered as well as shared experience, which was helpful to those who had issues.

After another break, the topic “What is an effective relationship between local Central Offices and District and Area Committees?” was discussed. It was a lively conversation about what is currently working with many good suggestions about how these relationships can be improved. A common problem in Central Offices and Intergroups is a sense of “us” (Central Offices/Intergroups) and “them” (the General Service structure). All were in agreement that there is no separation, that we’re all working to increase effectiveness and understanding in service, and that Central Offices and Intergroups is a special part of the A.A. service structure. We are all here together to support each other in our common purpose of helping the alcoholic who still suffers.

The topic “How can we serve with a spirit of cooperation?” was last. Attention was turned to the Spanish speaking community. There have been concerns for the welfare of this group, the Spanish speaking Intergroup Office has closed. The Salt Lake Central Office has spoken with members of that community about possible ways we can help and the alternate Delegate is in touch with the linguistic District 12. Hopefully, our concern and desire to help will be communicated and the Spanish speaking community will benefit. How we can be more accessible to those with special needs was the last topic, and many good ideas were discussed.

This was such a worthwhile event. The detailed notes of the discussions are available for those interested. A new level of communication has begun between Utah Central Offices and Intergroups, and with Utah Area 69. This meeting illustrated the strength in unity and the joy of service that is abundant in Utah. Hopefully this tradition will continue for years to come.

Long before I had any knowledge of The Twelve Concepts for World Service, I was a beneficiary of their influence.

All of us deeply desire to belong.  At the first AA meeting I attended, I was asked to introduce myself. As soon as I did, I became a member of that meeting.  I suddenly had the same right to participate in that meeting as the member sitting next to me with 15 years of sobriety.  Where did that “Right of Participation” come from?

The concepts cover a number of principles which were already traditionally practiced in our groups and our AA services but had never been clearly articulated or written down.

Concept 1 states that the final responsibility and the ultimate authority for AA World Services should always reside in the collective conscience of our whole fellowship.

Concept 2 states that in 1955, the AA groups delegated to the Conference complete authority for the active maintenance of our world services. This made the Conference the actual voice and effective conscience of our whole society.

Concept 3 references the working relationship between our AA groups, the Conference, the AA General Service Board and the “Right of Decision” endowed to all. This includes the many service opportunities at the Group level, the District level and the Area level.

This brings us to Concept 4 that reads: Throughout our Conference structure, we ought to maintain at all responsible levels a traditional “Right of Participation”, taking care that each classification or group of our world servants shall be allowed a voting representation in reasonable proportion to the responsibility that each must discharge.

The fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous has recognized that we cannot ask people to serve us and then not allow those trusted servants to fully participate in the decision making process.

At the group level the trusted servants are not the ultimate authority, the entire group’s conscience is. But they do have a voice and a vote equal to every other group member. It is unlikely that any of us would be willing to do the work of a group that denied us that level of participation.

At the District level, the officers of the District and the standing chairs of the District have a voice and a vote.

At the Area level, the officers of the Area and the standing chairs of the Area have a voice and a vote.

At all levels of the Conference structure, every AA member has a voice.

At any level of service are our trusted servants any less conscientious, experienced and trustworthy than any other AA members? Certainly not. Each is granted a voting representation in reasonable proportion to the responsibility each must discharge.

Bill W. says there is another good reason for “participation” and this one has to do with our spiritual needs.  All of us deeply desire to belong. We want an AA relation of brotherly partnership. It is our shining ideal that the “spiritual corporation” of AA should never include any members who are regarded as “second class”.

Though I did not know why, this spiritual axiom was what I experienced at that first AA meeting when I was gifted with the “Right of Participation”.

In Concept 12 are the General Warranties of the Conference. I prefer to look at these Warranties as an ideal outline of the way we should treat each other as we try to discharge our service responsibilities. Warranty Three: “None of the Conference members shall ever be placed in a position of unqualified authority over any of the others.”  This principle is discussed in Concept IV, but it is so important we have made it the subject of this Warranty – a strong stand against the creation of unqualified authority at any point in our Conference structure.

This information for the discussion of Concept IV presented above was gathered from my personal experience as a Panel 55 Delegate to the General Service Conference, The Twelve Concepts for World Service illustrated, The A.A. Service Manual combined with Twelve Concepts for World Service and a Workshop presentation of the Twelve Concepts by my dearest friends Jim and Mickey H.

~ Mike O.
Happy Destiny Group

Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole.

The freedom individual groups have in Tradition 4 carries with it the admonition to protect the fellowship as a whole.

Each 12 step group has complete freedom to decide for itself the program content of its meetings and the topics that will be discussed. The group can decide if the meeting will be opened or closed and when and where the meeting will be held. Each group can decide to change its meeting format and has complete authority to spend its funds as needed.

The group can also decide how it wishes to open and close its meetings. Some groups close with a prayer, while others have a moment of silence. In these matters, each group has total freedom. It is entirely up to the membership of that individual group.

But the second part of this tradition reminds each group that it has a responsibility also to the worldwide fellowship. By adhering to the traditions and principals of its program, each group can assure that it will not stray too far away from the program’s basic tenets.

The “autonomy” provided in Tradition 4 does not mean an individual group has the authority to re-word the steps or traditions, or to create its own literature. Nor should groups introduce, discuss, or sell “outside” literature at its meeting place.

Many a meeting has gotten away from the look and feel of its primary purpose by using non-conference approved literature, showing videos of popular self-help speakers, or allowing treatment professionals to speak at open meetings on the latest therapy techniques.

There is a saying that there is no “right or wrong” way to hold a meeting, but the group can cease carrying the message if it stray too far way from its traditions and concepts. But other than that, groups have complete freedom to design its program to the needs of its members, which can result in a wide variety of formats, as this visitor writes:

When I first came into this program I learned how it was in my little group, as I went to the other groups in neighboring towns I would think, “They don’t do their meetings right.” They have too much laughter and don’t start on time and so on. Today these little things that use to bother me now make me realize that they are what makes all these groups unique and different.

I look forward to the different meetings now because we are unique in our own rights. As long as the guidelines of the program are followed and the basic message is there for us this is one more example of why AA works.

~ Ed B.
Murray UT