Author: webservant

As I write this I am 41. Yes I’m in prison, but that does not matter. My friend is on the 90 meetings in 90 days kick and that’s good for him. I’m on the meetings everyday and sometimes 2. That way when I get released it is part of my thinking. People say that in prison it’s easy to go to meetings cause there is nothing else to do! Well, that’s true, except, I’m in this program and also High School, and some other programs so I’m pretty busy. So I go cause I need to. I first came into A.A. 30 years ago, so, by the time I was 11 I was already an alcoholic and on my way to being a drug addict. I see the board soon and want to make sure that A.A. is a major part of my life upon release! Let me explain my reasoning. I can go to a meeting a day or whatever I need to remain sober, which amounts to about 7 hrs a week, or I can sit in Prison for 24 hrs a day for however long until my release, and I do know that the stays usually get longer and longer. And I am sick and tired of holidays and birthdays locked up. I am sick and tired of expensive phone calls. But mostly, I am sick and tired of being controlled by chemicals. Thank you God for keeping me sober today. I have been stuck on step 4 for, oh, 30 years and I am happy to finally say that I have completed it as of today, 1/7/2018. And it was by me letting God guide me instead of the other way around that this was possible. And as a result I have forgiven myself, thus opening the door for me to love myself! Now I can truly love everyone else in my life, and society.

-Aaron T.

Hello! My name is Riley and I’m an addict. 🙂 I’ve said this countless times in my life. I have attended more meetings than I will ever know. I’ve been a meeting secretary with my treasurer girlfriend, had a dozen sponsors, and I’ve even been on a service committee. Relapse, after relapse, after relapse as I tried still to find an “easier softer way”. I must have tried to figure my way around doing the steps a million ways at least! The only direction this led me was to prison, where I’ve lived for a third of my life. An old Celly once told me “The lazy man always works twice” which has been my experience. I have been humbled (thank God), taken the steps and have been sober ever since. I smile now, thinking of words that still ring over and over in my head… “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path”

. Riley D. 1/7/18

Tick tock, tick tock like a clock but stuck in the same spot, while LIFE is the hand that continues to pass you by.

Stuck where minutes turn to hours, hours to days, days to years and I’m still HERE…where drug use and criminal pride is accepted, and you fit in by glorifying your crime, what kind of society is this?

Tick tock, tick tock like a clock stuck in the same spot. The men in BLUE seem to think we’re all alike, cut by the same cloth because of the matching word inmate we all have on our backs. Ha I agree…NOT. Identified by a number, not a name; we are not the same, this is the life I once chose but it’s not who I choose to remain.

I have a name. I am strong, beautiful, and independent. My heart beats just like any other human, can you hear it? Feel it? See it pounding through my chest? Am I worthy? Am I one that is a queen in my own kingdom? Do not judge me by my crimes or my past. I deserve to be loved, I am loved, I am a woman of worth, strong and powerful…hear me ROAR!

Tick tock… No longer will I allow self-hatred and doubt to own me, control me, or lock me away. The word that reads inmate on my back isn’t who I am. I am free, free to be whoever I choose to be. To live, laugh, love, cry. To make memories. To have my dreams come true.

Tick tock. I am to be whoever I want to be, whoever I dream to be. LIFE will no longer be the hand to pass me by; Stand up, get up, FIGHT.

Who am I? I am a Mother, a friend and a grand-daughter. But no really who am I? I am a survivor, a queen, a warrior. My past doesn’t define me; it’s time to scream, to shout, to let it all out. I have a VOICE and I will be HEARD.

Tick tock Stand Tall, Refuse to Fall I am ME!

-Elicia C.

One of my mentors in the program gave me a beautiful gift one day in the form of a question. Since then it has evolved into one of my favorite metaphors, and I would like to share it with you. He said something like, “Shurone, look at that tree. What do you think about it?” Such a simple question couldn’t possibly have a simple motive attached to it, so I looked at the slightly mangled half-dead tree, immediately covered up my judgment, and said, “it’s perfect!” to which he replied, “exactly”. This brief discussion was followed by another half hour of hiking in silence, which gave me time to think about why the tree might be perfect and about why the question had been asked. I began to think about the tree and how it started out as a tiny seed, in that exact place in the forest, and how that place had shaped the trees life. Every storm, every bit of sunlight had impacted the tree based on its placement in the forest. The tree’s embattled appearance became something new when I considered all that it had endured. Then I began to consider the trees around the one in question. They too were perfect, having been created by a power that is greater than myself, and beyond my comprehension. Products of their own specific beginnings in the forest as well, I began to understand that like the trees in the forest, we as human beings are also perfect. Comprised of the same exact elements as every other living thing on this planet. We forget this fact when we buy into the definitions and expectations surrounding us as we grow and define truth based on our experiences. I, like most of us, had traumatic experiences with adults as a child, which led me to believe that I couldn’t trust anyone. That belief made me extremely independent, and I hid myself away from society, eventually drinking morning until night, everyday justifying my behavior with yet another belief, that I was broken, that I deserved to drink every day because of how I perceived reality. Up another thousand feet or so surrounded by aspens, I remembered learning that they are all really one tree connected underground by a single root system. I believe that humans are also connected, and that we are stronger together, like a forest comprised of human lives supporting each other, and I am very grateful that I am no longer a mangled tree standing alone without a grove of people surrounding me and lifting me up!

-Shurone

My name is Marnie and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is 1/21/2014 – which is definitely nothing to brag about since I came into the rooms of AA in April 1993. On 1/20/2014 I was arrested for the 26th time and booked into jail. Knowing I was on the run from drug court, I knew I would get roughly four months termination. I also had drugs on me and knew if I used them, I would never get sober again. While waiting to complete the booking process, I decided that no matter what happened I was not going to use again. I was literally terrified, prior to making the decision, but once I did, I went into the restroom and knelt down praying to my higher power to give me the strength and grace that was needed to not use today. I felt an actual calm and peace I had not felt in about 11 years since I began drinking again. Once I hit quarantine in jail, I traded the drugs to other inmates for hygiene and some commissary food items. I showered, then ate and went to bed. The next day was my first day clean and sober. I was getting ready to be released and new charges were filed on me out of a county I have never been in. They were two five to life’s, aggravated robbery and aggravated burglary. Literally terrified, I was transported to the county to await trial. I found out that a person I had sold drugs to beat up a lady and robbed her. vehicle. I was one hundred percent guilty, same as the co-defendant. I plead the charges down and went out to prison on a five year matrix. I spent the next three years staying sober in an environment I could not run from. I decided to make the absolute most of my time of incarceration. I applied and was accepted to a treatment program that was literally the most difficult thing I have ever completed, in an environment where most are not ready or willing to be sober or work a program. I completed that program and continued on with therapy and working directly out of the Big Book of AA the twelve steps, even doing a thorough fifth step with the chaplain of the prison facility. In this environment, I truly learned to pray, meditate, and become a worker among workers and a friend among friends. I learned that whether people are being honest, using, being hateful or acting however, I can still be kind, loving and tolerant to them, and most of all respectful. When you live 24 hours with the same woman, you learn that every action you make certainly affects those around you and with nowhere to run, you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. I returned to the board and was released immediately after a two year rehearing due to the way I had spent my time by being productive and working on me. I did individual therapy, yoga and anything else available to benefit myself. AA meetings were not readily available. They were sporadic at best due to many circumstances beyond my control. My goal upon release was to be able to give back to the community and especially my family through living daily amends for all the wreckage the last eleven years of using had caused. Just because I had been sober for a little over three years didn’t mean I hadn’t caused wreckage. I have been out of prison for almost one year. During this time, I have cleared up all financial amends, completed all requirements of my parole and my PO is going to take time to write a letter for early termination which is a huge miracle since I was ordered to 36 months. I expect to be free entirely from the system in the next couple months. I have made amends with the family and friends that were possible. I Have the lowest paying job I have ever had, but in return have excellent benefits and no one at my work knows of my criminal history. Through daily application of the twelve steps of AA and taking the principles of the twelve traditions and applying them to all my relationships, I am leading a healthy, happy and useful life. I have an amazing sponsor, who has a sponsor who also has a sponsor. An amazing dynasty of women in recovery all around me. I also get the opportunity of sponsoring women in recovery. I finally got off the fence, made an actual decision and backed it up with action. That is really all I did, and the gifts of sobriety in my life are endless. I wake up truly grateful to have a real bed and pillow to sleep on, knowing I have a family who truly loves me and I get to show up fully in their lives.

– Marnie

I met Jim Timmons at the 3:00pm misfit toys meeting at the Alano club in 2013. I honestly don’t think I would be sober or alive for that matter without this man! He took me under his wing. He was my sober and spiritual giant! He had a very kind but stern way about him that made me stop and think. Jim and I soon became very close. Father daughter type relationship. He always knew when I was feeling not so good, and always knew exactly what to do and say to put my thinking on a more positive path. His memory lives on in my heart! When I am feeling troubled about something all I have to do is think about what he would have said to me and my entire outlook changes. I owe so much of my strength to this man’s influence and impact he had on my life!! I will forever treasure my memories I have with him. I love and miss you Jim!

-Sandra M

I was raised in an LDS family. By the time I hit 15 I’d discarded Mormanism as a whole. That is about the time I started drinking as well. When I was arrested in 2006 I was an adamant atheist and raging alcoholic. It seems often that people find God in prison then leave Him here when they’re released. I was determined for a long time not to be one of those people. I suffered from that God hunger that plagues all addicts, so I began my spiritual journey. I studied many religions and spiritual paths, but I still struggled to accept many mainstream faiths. It was one of the A.A. volunteers that helped me find my higher power. The Big Book of A. A. that she quoted held the key, “A God of your understanding”. I don’t have to have a concrete perception of God. I just have to be “willing to believe” in that power greater than myself. Most peoples spiritual awakenings are not so dramatic. Mine was a torrent of divine inspiration that manifested in the people around me. It could be a coincidentally perfect piece of advice or the key words I needed to hear on a particularly hard day. God works through and around me every day as long as I work the steps! Service is a big part of that, but just being willing to believe is the key. -Michael S.

My name is Sandy and I am a grateful alcoholic. When I first walked through the doors of AA I could not for the life of me understand why people said they were grateful to be alcoholic. In my mind I couldn’t figure out why all of you were so damn grateful. I didn’t want to grow up and be an alcoholic, I didn’t want to grow up and go to AA meetings, I didn’t want to grow up and meet “those type people”. But today, I am truly, incredibly, and humbly GRATEFUL to be an alcoholic. If I wasn’t an alcoholic, I wouldn’t know bikers, people who have been to prison, people who have been to jail, people who are in rehab, people fresh out of rehab, homemakers, working women, working men, people who have literally lived on the streets due to their diseases. ME! On Thanksgiving, I was on my way to sister’s house with pies in the back seat of my car, excited to see family members from over the river and through the woods (26 of them to be exact) and before I knew what was happening, my car pulled into a parking space at the Alano Club. My second home some could say. I parked on North side of the building and the minute I got out of my car, I was met with hugs and love from those gathered on the picnic tables sharing stories and meals, then I made my way downstairs to the best dive joint in the world, the Alano kitchen, and was again met with hugs and love, (and let me tell you, if you donated cash and/or food it was well received. I have never seen so much food in my life.) My heart was full that peeps had a loving place to go to enjoy an excellent meal, served by excellent cooks, and enjoy family! A quick step outside to the picnic tables on the South side, up the stairs to the big room, hugs and love, then into the room on the East side where I attend some very special and incredible meetings with the type of people I mentioned above who, in my recovery, have become my AA family. All of sudden I felt the urge to look up on the wall and who’s faces did I see? Bill and Bob. I stopped short in my tracks and said a prayer of thanks to those two men and their wives, Lois and Anne, for the movement they created. I have always heard how grateful we are to have found a Power greater than ourselves, but I found myself thinking about the two men who gave so selflessly and two strong women who stood by their sides and how I have neglected to say a word of Thanks and Prayer for what they started. After all, if there was no AA Fellowship and the Steps, where would I be? Something to ponder for the day…hmmm, My name is Sandy, and I am a Grateful Alcoholic!! I am truly humbled that I was asked to share this story for the Lifeline. When I crawled through the doors a little over 2 years and 10 months ago, I never imagined how ALL of you would change and affect my life. If you are reading this, please know, that you have!!!

-Sandy B