It Never Gets Better Pt.2 – Ryan N_ June 2019

…(continued from May 2019)

Things were going well at first. I knew I would drink again if I stayed. In my alcoholic mind I told myself I could drink again so it was only a matter of time. As you know life goes on and things happen and our paths change, sometimes for the better and sometimes it’s not clear. I did start to drink again and was partying a lot, drinking and driving all the time. I got a night job at a club. I loved it because I could drink all I wanted.
As you can already see where this is going, about nine months later I was stopped for a broken tail light and long story short I went to jail for D.U.I #6. I was devastated. I did not want to be in jail. I called home to beg for help and it worked. I got out but went to court two months later and was sent to jail for one year and had to have an inpatient drug program completed as well. As far as I was concerned my life was done this time. I went to the Salt Lake County Oxbow jail which turned out to be better than Metro. Oh, I think I failed to mention that when I was working at the bar I was introduced to cocaine and crack.
During my stay in jail this time I learned a lot and was educated by criminals on how to buy and sale drugs and where I could find them. I also learned about identity theft and fraud, check cashing, check making, shoplifting, returns and all kinds of quick come ups. I got out of jail and within three hours I was in a Chevron bathroom smoking crack cocaine. Then I got stuck in the bathroom for about 40 minutes all paranoid. I was supposed to go to the first step house first thing but instead I decided to get high. I did eventually make it there and was put on house restriction because I was high.
Things started going well, I was doing the program again, I got a job and was getting home visits. About 4 months into my program I was working at a place called Pizza Time as a shift supervisor. The manager was a real good friend of mine so she gave me a chance.
I had been working there about 3 months and one night just before closing time my sister showed up. She was there because she wanted some pizza. Next thing I know we are in the back room in the office smoking crack. I locked up the store, sent my drivers home and cleaned up and closed the store. I had no intention of going back to the First Step House. Instead I took the $3,500 deposit and went and got some more crack and a motel room.
3 or 4 days later I woke up out of money, out of dope, out a job and lost a good friend. Who does something like that? Here I was back at it again, but this time it was all going to be different because I learned the ropes on how to make money quickly so that I was able to pay for hotel rooms and stay high.
For the next 3 years my addiction got to its worst, there was not much that I would not do to stay high and survive. I was on the run from probation and I had several warrants. From 1993 to 1996 I became everything I said I would never be. I was a liar, cheat, a thief. I stole check credit cards, account numbers, it did not matter. I found something I was good at. At first, I did not like doing it but when I got good, I lost all sight of myself and my morals.
July 1996 was when things got real. I was involved in a strong-arm robbery, 2 high speed chases, aggravated assault on a police officer, brandishing a fire arm, grand theft auto and distribution of cocaine and crank. Yes, my life spun out of control. Thinking back now as I write this, what was I thinking? Two days before I was caught, I was in the lobby of a hotel where there was news on the t.v. and what do you know, I made the news, Utah’s most wanted on Fox 13.
At this point I should have just given up, it might have been easier, but in my mind I was unstoppable. Well, Mr. unstoppable was caught two days later and about a month or so later I was sentenced on several felonies and sent to the Utah State Prison. This was definitely going to be the beginning of a new chapter in my life, the getting sober years.
(To be continued next month…)

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