Funny how miracles are hard to recognize as they are unfolding. At least that has been the case for me since I opened my mind to the possibility of their existence a while back. At about nine months sober, heading back to Salt Lake City one day, an interesting thought came into my head. I realized when I stopped for gas that I could buy a 24oz. or two, drink them during the remaining six hour drive, and no one would ever know about it. My next thought was of the people at the noon meeting I had been attending regularly for five months. I didn’t want to let anyone down or lie to anyone. Then a truly remarkable thought entered, I would know about it. It didn’t matter whether or not I could deceive other people when it came to my drinking, I realized that I could not deceive myself, and that is what mattered. I further realized that I didn’t want to drink a 24oz because I genuinely cared about myself and my life. That is a miracle.
Then at some point during the next six hours, a talk show about sight caught my attention. Someone explained that humans have four cones which enable us to see colors, dogs only have two cones, and are only able to see yellow and blue. Butterflies on the other hand have sixteen cones, and the ability to see colors that we are blind to. As someone who lived with a mind closed off from God completely for 25 years, I suddenly realized that powers greater than myself were all around me, just waiting to be discovered. I felt overwhelmed with respect for all living things, for my life, and for all of the things I have yet to learn. I’m pretty sure that I found the sunset that evening to be quite miraculous, as I attempted to extract every possible shade of purple and turquoise from the sky, but I didn’t know how important that trip would be in re-shaping my thinking, or the depth of meaning it would hold for later. Little decisions can become huge assets, especially when they build self-worth, and that thought, that critical realization that I wanted positive things for my life, is a major turning point, and looking back, an absolute miracle.
-Grateful AA member