AA Behind Bars – Rocco_June2018

“With a past so dark and dreary, so far away the fellowship is always near me. So cold and hell bent, what is this life for, what am I meant?” So much ambition and drive set aside to feed my addict! Growing up in Utah County with only the thought of drink, smoke, and drug. At an early age I promise that multiple years of incarceration, loss, and pain was never the focal point. After a long hard road, it seemed like not only the State, but everything and everybody true and correct was pushing recovery my way. Really not my cup of tea! The meetings and 12 steps eventually found me, and a cup of coffee I could take. First thoughts…what a bunch of deranged lunatics! Are these guys out of their blasted minds? With a group like this just imagine the kind of drug & drink induced chaos we could create! Yet here we are talking about being clean & staying that way one day at a time? I felt like banging my head off the damn wall! Then I eventually realized that people that were once in the trenches with me are racking up multiple days, months, & years of clean time. My sick ass addict would relapse & surely think to find said “ya-whoo’s” most definitely back in active addiction and they weren’t! Scratching my head, completely baffled, I remember clearly and truly realizing that this 12 step thing WORKS! My addict was going crazy with this realization and even when I was engaging in drink or drug…my addict would work overtime making sure I wasn’t turning shit over to anybody and I would pick and choose how I was gonna work my program. My Higher Power has always been there and I know this because I am still alive. Today I realize that just because I hit a meeting doesn’t mean that I can run my own shit! I know the 12 steps work because I’ve seen and know people, friends, and loved ones living life because of the 12 steps. I know it because when I walk down the prison hallways to a meeting I always get blanketed by the spirit! Rather it be by a guest member or by a fellow inmate trying to get this damn thing, I dunno. I got two fists up and I’ve got a Higher Power that will not give up! I’m still alive and I have a family that loves me! If you’re reading this, listen to the suggestions, refer to the 12 steps, and work tuff – . -Rocco

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