Just one last time, I promise then I’ll change. My father glaring back at me holding back every tear in his heart, I was barely legal to pick up the bottle. That was the day I broke the heart of a person I always looked up to and dreamt of being. I had lost who I was. I was so afraid to fix this and thought I did not deserve that opportunity from all the hurt I had caused this world. But the same person I turned away helped pick me back up when I reached my hand out.
That was several years ago. Now after bettering who I am and being able to look the “world in the eye” by taking the steps, I have a relationship beyond measure with my father. I accepted my lessons and capitalized on that, through actions and not words for the first time in my life. Spirituality saved my life and I have learned to trust it to the best of my abilities. I owe my relationship that I have with my father today to all those individuals who lent their time to me on my journey.
Not only has the fellowship and program (12 steps, service, meetings) changed my current/old behaviors, but I have also been able to see my father change alongside me. To see love fill someone’s heart is beyond words, its priceless. I was so grateful for an answer to my chaos and I found that in the Big Book, it was the first time I could sit and enjoy all of me.
My life is about learning today and that is what I strive to do to the best of my ability. Before I believed I was on my own and had to figure it out, hard knock life. When I first came in, I was told to give it just one year, one year was not enough as I did not think AA would work for me, I was hopeless. Now I have the opportunity to be an example to younger individuals all around me and they are an example for me (Thanks Flava).
The gift about it all is really that I do not know anything about staying sober nor do I have the answer, but I have the happiness to show that it works. “Carry the message to other alcoholics” was the only requirement of my sponsor; it has been that simple when I open my eyes and ears with trust and a little love. I heard this early on and it has stuck with me every since “How many people you bless is how you measure success” and “The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.” Small things changed my life by being “All In.” Thank you for this blessing of the second breath I have been given, I am forever grateful for you all.