F.E.A.R.

My spirit began to wake up when my desire to stop drinking coupled with a willingness to do whatever it took to accomplish that desire. The process of getting desire and willingness on the same page took years of desperation drinking.

On May 12, 1989 I spoke to my first recovering alcoholic. On that day, my wife dropped me off at the local treatment center. I was so drunk I was unable to say my own name. That first alcoholic told me, while still in my drunken stupor, that I would have to learn to pray and to cry if I wanted to get sober. I remember thinking to myself, I already know how to cry and I will NEVER pray.

As the Librium wore off and the days wore on I came face to face with F.E.A.R. Within a week I was on my knees praying like a condemned man and crying like a newborn. A.A.’s were teaching me that the only way through the fear was to; Face Everything And Recover. No longer could I get away with; Forget Everything And Run. Thus my spiritual awakening began.

Through inventory I realized that I had began to practice the first three Principles of our program without knowing it. By checking into the hospital I had began Step One. After listening to AA’s share their stories I came to believe there was a Power Greater than myself who would help me, Step Two, and the night I said that first prayer, Step Three became a part of my sober life. Over the years the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have become a way of life for me. As the result of these Steps my Spiritual awakening that began in drunkenness, desperation and fear have guided me to a sober life full of hope and love.

My sponsor says that if you are planning to dig a trench and you intend to ask God for help, you better bring a shovel. It’s his way of saying that if you want to have a Spiritual awakening that will keep you sober you better pick up the kit of Spiritual Tools that have been laid at your feet and get to work.

Monte S.
Sunday Morning Serenity Group
Ogden, Utah

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