Category: Lifeline

The enigmatic Sixth Step, after the buildup to Step Four and the ceremony of Step Five, seemed lost to me the first time through…and second. Sitting quietly for an hour with nobody watching, nobody timing, nothing to turn in, felt just so anticlimactic. But living sober I’ve learned the gravity of Step Six and that being entirely ready to have God remove my defects of character is not a one ­time act for me but a continuous challenge. So I go on, progress not perfection.

By now I know that alcohol is a dire life or ­death deal for me: I don’t drink or I drink. I now know, too, that if I just don’t drink, I just don’t feel right, like I used to not feel right until I drank. Today, when I know in the pit of my stomach that I am up to no good, then I can ask for God’s help and be willing to let my best bad ideas go.

So am I willing to have God remove all of my defects of character? Yes – let him decide which ones should go, as he knows better than me. I do not have to decipher His strange design for me, just ask for His help, and listen for His answer.

Kevin L.

It was my fourth time going through the steps before I thought I really “got” it on step five.  (By got it, I mean that I felt I finally understood the real objective.)  The first three times were not by any means a waste.  They were like a warm up for the real thing.

As it says in the Big Book, “More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life.  He is very much the actor.  To the outer world he presents his stage character.  This is the one he likes his fellows to see.  He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.”  My life had been spent trying desperately to appear to know everything and always be right.  I wanted people to think I was the smartest, fastest, toughest person in the crowd.  I felt I had to do this to protect myself from being hurt. Honestly admitting to another person that I had made mistakes was a very humbling experience.  To admit that my approach to life had failed, that I wasn’t all that I pretended to be, crumbled all my defenses.

But the gift of step five was that I finally felt like a worker among workers, a garden variety drunk.  I felt that I now truly belonged in the fellowship.  It was a huge relief that I didn’t have to continue to work so hard to appear to be someone I wasn’t.

Toni L.

“Our membership ought to include all who suffer alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.”

This is a sweeping statement indeed; it takes in a lot of territory. Some people might think it too idealistic to be practical. It tells every alcoholic in the world that he may become, and remain, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous so long as he says so. In short, Alcoholics Anonymous has no membership rule.

Why is this so? Our answer is simple and practical. Even in self protection, we do not wish to erect the slightest barrier between ourselves and the brother alcoholic who still suffers. We know that society has been demanding that he conform to its laws and conventions. But the essence of his alcoholic malady is the fact that he has been unable or unwilling to conform either to the laws of man or God. If he is anything, the sick alcoholic is a rebellious nonconformist. How well we understand that; every member of Alcoholics Anonymous was once a rebel himself. Hence we cannot offer to meet him at any half-way mark. We must enter the dark cave where he is and show him that we understand. We realize that he is altogether too weak and confused to jump hurdles. If we raise obstacles, he might stay away and perish. He might be denied his priceless opportunity.

So when he asks, “Are there any conditions?” we joyfully reply, “No, not a one.” When skeptically he comes back saying, “But certainly there must be things that I have to do and believe,” we quickly answer, “In Alcoholics Anonymous there are no musts.” Cynically, perhaps, he then inquires, “What is this all going to cost me?” We are able to laugh and say, “Nothing at all, there are no fees and dues.” Thus, in a brief hour, is our friend disarmed of his suspicion and rebellion. His eyes begin to open on a new world of friendship and understanding. Bankrupt idealist that he has been, his ideal is no longer a dream. After years of lonely search it now stands revealed. The reality of Alcoholics Anonymous bursts upon him. For Alcoholics Anonymous is saying, “We have something priceless to give, if only you will receive.” That is all. But to our new friend, it is everything. Without more ado, he becomes one of us.

Our membership tradition does contain, however, one vitally important qualification. That qualification relates to the use of our name, Alcoholics Anonymous. We believe that any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. Here our purpose is clear and unequivocal. For obvious reasons we wish the name Alcoholics Anonymous to be used only in connection with straight A.A. activities. One can think of no A.A. member who would like, for example, to see the formation of “dry” A.A. groups, “wet” A.A. groups, Republican A.A. groups, Communist A.A. groups. Few, if any, would wish our groups to be designated by religious denominations. We cannot lend the A.A. name, even indirectly to other activities, however worthy. If we do so we shall become hopelessly compromised and divided. We think that A.A. should offer its experience to the whole world for whatever use can be made of it. But not its name. Nothing could be more certain.

Let us of A.A. therefore resolve that we shall always be inclusive, and never exclusive, offering all we have to all men save our title. May all barriers be thus leveled, may our unity thus be preserved. And may God grant us a long life –and a useful one!

Bill W.

The A.A. Grapevine, February, 1948

I was born to be a mother. Thankfully, my higher power gave me the gift of sobriety first. Twenty five years of binge drinking kept me from achieving my heart’s desires. I was 12 years old when I had my first blackout; I was 37 when I had my last. In between my first and last drinks, there were some good times– sipping salty margaritas on exotic beaches; savoring a chardonnay with an amazing dinner in Paris; swigging beers while sailing the Chesapeake Bay. I have those fond memories, but there are many other memories that are not so pleasant. In my early 30’s, I crossed the line from wanting to drink to needing to drink. My weekend binge drinking had become a daily necessity. I needed to drink during the workday, so I drank on my lunch hour. On the days I could not make it out for my “liquid lunch,” I would have the shakes before my workday was through. I had to hit happy hour or a liquor store the moment I walked out of the office. For five long years, I tried unsuccessfully to control my drinking. It was truly a struggle. In those years, I had many more drunken episodes to regret, more friends to apologize to, more excuses to make to my parents, more need to cover my butt at work.

When I finally cried out to God for help, I was walking along my favorite beach on a cold winter’s day but this time there was no salty margarita in my hand. Within a few days, I had what I hope was my last drink of my life, and events unfolded that led me to the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. In my first days of recovery, I met the man who was to become my husband. I soon realized that he was indeed a gift of sobriety, one of many to come my way. Two years later, we were married on Mother’s Day (which fell on my 39th birthday) surrounded by our family, our life-long friends and many new friends from the program. By this time, we were not able to conceive a child. The day we were given this sad news, we decided to proceed with plan B: adoption.

With the support of our family, a close circle of sober friends and a great sponsor, we did all the footwork necessary. The first three Steps and the slogans helped me along the way. When I was sober for five years, our son was born. I was invited into the delivery room to witness his birth. Holding his birth mothers hand, I watched our baby draw his first breath. My husband cut the umbilical cord and was the first to hold our son. We brought our baby boy home on Thanksgiving Day. That was seven years ago. The list of gifts I have received in sobriety is long, but at the top is the family my Higher Power gave to me. I am certain that god knew my desires long before I did. I was born to be a mother-a sober mother.

Suzi W

By the time I arrived at AA I had no doubt that I was an alcoholic. I arrived beaten down and willing to do whatever it took to stay sober. That meant doing the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability (though at the time my brain was so fried they made no sense to me).

So as I got to my first Step Four I was willing to do whatever it took to stay sober—including “making a searching and fearless inventory of myself.” It was a daunting task in my fuzzy mind so my plan was to get it done as fast as possible, while being as thorough as possible, and move on to Step Five, Six, Seven….you get the drift…as fast as possible. I talked to my sponsor many times about getting it done. After agonizing over it the only thing I could do was to stop thinking about it and just do it. It was going to take a lot of trust in HP.

Finally I sat down to what seemed to me a demanding and perplexing task. Oh the anxiety just thinking about facing all the awful things I’d done to others, to myself. Who wants to look at that? And I’d heard so many stories in meetings about how hard it was and how so many people put it off. So I did my best to keep it simple and did it just as it’s laid out in the Big Book.

I had learned that if I wanted recovery and a sober life, and I didn’t know exactly how to go about, it I could act “as if, fake it ‘til you make it.” I concluded that wisdom had to apply here as well. So I acted as if and did the best that I could, hoping as I wrote that I didn’t miss that one character defect or past action that would get me drunk. (Little did in know that more would be revealed and it’s an ongoing process.) And I focused on progress not perfection…well at least I tried to. Instincts and natural desires gone awry, oh yes back then, and today, I can see how those things get me into trouble.

Doing my first Step Four was about willingness to move forward and walk through my fear. I was only really able to see what was in front of me at that time, 23+ years ago, which was probably a good thing. In the end the experience wasn’t profound or earth shattering, I didn’t have a spiritual awakening or land on a pink cloud. The fear of doing it was greater than the reality, the actual putting it all down in black and white. It was just a tremendous relief, and to be honest a sense of accomplishment, something I hadn’t experienced a lot at that time of my life. And what was most surprising to me was that my sponsor, on Step Five, didn’t fall off her chair in horror or laughter after hearing of my defects and antics. Rather she had no grand reaction at all, it was more like, okay good job, heard nothing new, and let’s move on

Step Four is a lifetime practice for me. It is a step when applied to my daily life and relationships has a positive effect on my emotional sobriety. It gets right to the treatment of my spiritual malady, which as the books says is the root of my problem in Step One. When I get that feeling in my gut that things are not right, there’s no avoiding it and I don’t have the luxury of denying it. I drank to get rid of those feelings, that angst. Now I have the tools to address my feelings, understand my actions, and clean up my side of the street. What a gift!

Shannon

“Admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.”

1. Every “natural” instinct cries out against the idea of a personal powerlessness (defects of the thinking mind).

2. We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first step toward liberation and strength (making the admission we are unmanageable by us).

3. Until we have humbled ourselves (accepting the devastating weakness and all its consequences) our sobriety if any will be precarious.

4. The principle: We shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat (that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.

5. We are the victims of a mental obsession, thinking (droning is only a symptom) so subtly powerful that no amount of human willpower could have relived our alcoholism).

6. By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it, we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.

7. Few people will sincerely try to practice the AA program until they have hit their bottom in utter defeat. 8. In order to practice AA’s remaining eleven steps WE MUST ADOPT NEW ATTITUDES AND TAKE NEW ACTIONS.

9. We must become as open minded to conviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be.

Walsh, Brian. “Step 1 A Brief Outline” – taken from 12 Steps and 12 Traditions

All of us in recovery have to deal with various levels of sickness, from the common cold to life-threatening illnesses. One gift of sobriety is having a choice in how we deal with loss of our physical health.

Our story began a few years ago when my husband was diagnosed with a very rare cancer. After a whirlwind of tests and some difficult decision-making, he had surgery and a long, rough regimen of chemo.

Throughout our ordeal, we were often overwhelmed with a gamut of feelings, from fear and anger to sheer defeat. I imagine most cancer patients and their families feel the same. We are, after all, human beings with a finite life here on this earth. Thankfully, though, we had tools we received in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. We placed the outcome in our Higher Power’s hands, worked the steps, and relied on our friends in the rooms. As my husband said, “We’ve beaten one life threatening disease so far, we can handle this one, too!” We are so grateful for our recovery and the rooms of AA. Without them, we are not sure how we would have gotten through his illness. I am happy to report that my husband is NED – “No Evidence of Disease.” Well, cancer anyway. He still has the disease of alcoholism, but that is another story for another day.

Betsy M

“For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.”

In Alcoholic Anonymous there is no such thing as individual authority. No one member “directs” or “controls” the actions of the other members of the group.

Group decisions are just that, group decisions. After a discussion of all aspects of a given situation, including the minority opinion, the group votes on the issue and an agreement is reached with the majority vote. This vote is called a “group conscience.”

Each group is a fellowship of equals. No matter what an individual member’s background, education, or professional expertise, no member has authority “over” the group. In this way, the fellowship reaches out to all who would seek its comfort and provides the atmosphere of a sense of “belonging” to all members.

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/study/a/tradition_two.htm