Category: Lifeline

One of the major parts of the foundation we must include in the building blocks of our sobriety is honesty. Without it we’re greatly lowering our odds of making this program of A.A. a successful part of our life. A bottle of our favorite alcoholic beverage is waiting for our failure in the program. It is extremely patient and will win the battle if we’re not willing to be honest in this program. How early on I remember hearing honesty is the best policy. Years of active alcoholism took that idea away from me. Be as dishonest as you have to be to get that next bottle. Say you’ll pay back the $10 when you’ve no intention of doing so. Say you didn’t hear the phone when you really did and were too drunk to answer it.

The first three pages (58-60) of the chapter “How It Works” is read at the beginning of many meetings and it is no surprise to this alcoholic that the word honesty is mentioned three times in the first paragraph emphasizing that most don’t recover unless they can be honest with themselves and others. This program demands “a manner of living that demands rigorous honesty…,” “many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest…” and “constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves…” I had spent the last 10 years of my life lying, cheating, and stealing as far as my drinking was concerned. It had become a way of life. There were things in my life that being honest about were out of the question. As I read the steps on pages 59 and 60 and began to figure out that the steps had a whole lot to do with honesty my foggy alcoholic brain came to the conclusion I had to come clean with a whole lot of unpleasant situations. Lying had become such a way of life for me that I didn’t know what the truth was anymore.

To the rescue came my sponsor who simply began with first things first. By admitting I was powerless over alcohol, which I had done, the first step in honesty had been taken. A second statement of honesty came about by admitting that this program didn’t fail something I believed, but that I failed. If I became willing to have honesty, an open mind, and become willing (HOW) I would change.

As time marched on for me and I began to truly listen, I observed those members of the program who had some time, we’re honest and it was working for them in their lives. I looked up to them in awe that they were able to practice this honesty in all parts of their lives. What I thought impossible was not only possible but an easier way to live life. I didn’t have to remember what I told to whom. Very slowly as the fog was lifted from the brain their way of living became what I wanted in my life too. This was the simpler easier way to live. Yes being honest meant putting me in some uncomfortable situations. It is better to pull the weed out and get the entire root as opposed to only pulling out the plant. It might make the yard look better for awhile but the weed will grow back bigger than ever. Telling a person what they want to hear might get them off your back for awhile but the situation is going to come back and haunt you until you step up to the plate and tell it all. Again, this is yet another situation for your sponsor to help. He can wisely advise what to do in situations that baffle us. Take direction and you won’t be disappointed. Look up to other members of your group and do what they do. This is a time to be a clone and not be creative. Our thinking was getting us nowhere and it was time to do a 180 degree turnabout in our lives.

As we accumulate more time in the program we learn when we need to be rigorously honest and when to hold back our tongue and say nothing. Experience will teach us not to run out and bear are soul to the world but to slowly let this way of life evolve. We can look forward to the day when we’ve become like the people we look up to and we can in turn pass along what was given to us. Give this program a real chance and you too will find out that you can be honest in your life too. I’m grateful that this program has become a part of my life and honored to write an article about honesty. Honest.

-Thomas K.

“A.A. as such ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those the serve.”
The twelve traditions of AA is basically a set of rules or bylaws that restrict and constrain AA to a single focus – individual recovery within a group of other alcoholics.
The Traditions section of The book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions is a fun and interesting read because it is filled with “war stories” illustrating how AA got to an understanding of each tradition. The chapter on Tradition Nine is no different. The chapter defines “never be organized” as lacking a power structure, as lacking “vested authority”. To illustrate a normal AA’s distrust of authority it alludes to how poorly received is a new chapter member with many years of sobriety elsewhere who “views with alarm for the benefit of AA”. What a great little phrase, “viewing with alarm for the benefit of AA”. It is so natural for people to assume and attempt to exert authority, especially subtle authority. Tradition Nine wants none of it.
The description of the ninth tradition in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions is short, just four pages, but it contains a powerful vision. Like most of the Traditions, the Ninth Tradition is a description of what AA does not do. It doesn’t collect dues, take attendance, have membership rules, enforce belief, or kick people out. AA relies entirely on an individual’s desire to stop drinking as its organizing principle.
This principle is so radical and powerful that it is easy to miss – an idea that is too big to see. It took me a while to understand that really, actually nobody is in charge. There is a strong set of norms, and oral and group traditions, but there really isn’t a power structure or a career path. It is all and only about individual alcoholics meeting as a group. The more I understood this, the more I liked AA, and more importantly, the more I trusted AA.
Nobody’s going to make you stay sober. Not your mom, your wife, your bishop, or your judge. Not your AA group. Nobody can make you stay sober. We all make a personal decision every day to do the things we need to do to stay sober. We go to meetings. Every single person at a meeting is there because they made a decision to be there (some nudges-from-judges excepted). Meetings feel a certain way because there is so little sense of either coercion or authority. I felt it quickly when I got to AA. People are there because they need and want to be. The Ninth Tradition helps ensure it.

-Rob W.

The Principle of Justice by Susie S.

In my old Big Book, the word I wrote that corresponded to Step Nine was “discipline.” In the lists I found online, still other words were used. The lists were extremely similar with only slight variations on some of the steps. When considering the word, “justice,” I find that I that I have an immediate and aggressive response. I like the word. Justice is something that I wish I could render with a heavy hammer on some individuals by my own hand, but that of course, is my knee-jerk, human-nature response. We all know that justice ultimately belongs to our Higher Power. Knowing this makes living so much easier for me, I had to learn the hard way.

I got busy with this step a couple of months ago. Receiving good advice from different people in the program and applying it, things worked out well. Like anything else, I learn by doing. Each time I made an amends it was different, as were the outcomes. Nothing happened like I had envisioned in my head. People are just weird; you never know what you’re going to get from them. Better to know this ahead of time and not let the “weirdness” unhinge me and make me question myself in times of vulnerability. This is what I learned; to be true to myself and trust the process of my recovery. I do these things for my, my God and for my spiritual health first.

I suppose justice can be thought of as the correction of mistakes. When justice is served in our legal system, it is the righting of a wrong done to someone else along with a “punishment” of sorts. While we don’t get to decide all the particulars about the wrongs we’ve perpetrated, we do have the power, the ability and the obligation to set things straight as soon as we are aware and able. I have discovered that I am much more able to live with myself and quiet the incessant chatter in my head when I’ve made an honest effort to humble myself, take my part, and sincerely attempt to correct myself in future behavior.

But I have other problems too! I have the tendency to point out the how your side of the story helped me stumble to my end. I also had a compulsive need to let you know just how badly you had hurt me! After much personal research, I found out that this does not work. I realized I was attempting to exact some sort of punishment on you while at the same time apologizing! That is not justice. I’m not a Higher Power nor do I care to be. I am a recovering human being who accepts being flawed. It’s like the concept of, “Do the footwork and leave the results to God.” Justice is His. My part is doing the footwork with an honest effort. I can’t exact my own brand of justice; that’s not how we live in society and it doesn’t work in the spiritual realm either. I can begin the process by doing the simple action of opening the channel and inviting something positive to the situation.

So –discipline, justice, amendment, forgiveness – these are the words that were used to highlight and describe Step Nine. Together these words complete the idea for me. Step Nine is the most freeing step of all twelve, for me.

In 1983, when loneliness and desperation prodded me to go to more meetings, I discovered the newly formed Friendship Group that still meets Saturday 10 o’clock in the basement of Friendship Manor [thus the origin of the name]. In 1983, Saturday had only two daytime meetings, the Friendship Group and an afternoon 11th step meeting at the Alano Club.
The Friendship Group was like no other. It had been started by residents of the apartment building built for the elderly and disabled.. The group was attended by mainly older women with quality sobriety. There were few men. I was a humble, frightened and motivated student of AA back then, and not the “know it all prick” that I’ve turned into. I bonded with the women who were gracious, patient, encouraging, knowledgeable, and to me surprisingly fascinating. When these older women opened up with their alcoholic adventures, I was flabbergasted. The little lady with the knitting bag told promiscuous stories that embarrassed me, who grew up during the free love 60s. There was May S. a resident of Friendship Manor with 40 years of sobriety, Pat N., born in territorial New Mexico [one of the wisest people I’ve ever known], Kay P. a cornerstone of the group, married to Matt P. who was a “General” of my home group the Men’s Sugarhouse Group. And there were others Beverly H. Mary O., Betty G. and Bonnie P. that were equally as well grounded and had fascinating stories behind their deceptive looks of crocheted sweaters and bifocals.
I am grateful these women took me in. They were educated in the ways of the 12 steps. Even though these women understood the theoretical truths, they insisted on being pragmatic in their approach. Their tradition was to go to the Village Inn for breakfast after the meeting. I invited myself and was welcomed. There, at the café, after the meeting, fellowshipping proved its’ value. These wonderful women were full of applied wisdom but also students of other philosophical thoughts. I was surprised when conversations would include Gurdjieff, Alan Watts, Krishnamurthy, The Hemlock Society, or even Allen Ginsberg. I learned to keep quiet and learn rather than show my ignorance.
As the population of AA grew, the meeting grew and the demographic became more general. Because it had the exclusive Saturday morning time slot, the meeting gained popularity. Years later, a satellite meeting broke off to 8:30 and has proved very popular. Even the 8:30 meeting got so crowded that another one broke off of that and is now on 17th South and 17th East. All of this proves Saturday morning is a delightful time to take in the fellowship. But the traditional taproot is 10 o’clock at Friendship Manor. It is a 12&12 book study meeting that everybody finds valuable in its illumination of the 12 steps.
The grand old heirloom meeting is still dedicated to traditional AA truths and traditions. The regulars are knowledgeable, helpful and anxious for some new players. This summer it is lightly attended and I encourage you to make it a regular part of your Saturday morning like I did for so many years.

Clark P.

I grew up in an alcoholic home with two functional alcoholic parents. This was a traumatic childhood that I can bring into my relationships. My parents would get drunk together every night. My folks drank martinis; I loved the martini olives, and this wet my pallet for alcohol. They would visit with each other, and the only way we could be heard was to interrupt and talk over. This is a terrible habit to bring into work or social settings.
My dad was OCD about cleanliness and terrorized us when we made messes. Mom would say clean up your toys in one minute or daddy will leave home and never come back. My folks introduced me to drinking at seventeen. At home I was a rebel without a clue and broke all of the rules at work as well. I’m no longer in my alcoholic home and do not need to be defensive and aggressive, protective and reactive, apologizing and explaining, and repeating and complaining.
In 2004 I realized I had an allergy to alcohol. I was an addict from the start guzzling codeine cough syrup as a child. At seventeen I attended my first party and argued with the host, and he beat me up. At nineteen I was binge drinking with relatives and became mentally ill but never realized that drinking caused mania.
As a teenager I developed anorexia and bulimia and have had weight issues on and off for years; this was coupled with different psychiatric medications. I had knocked off most drinking in my twenties due to feedback from a psychiatrist boyfriend and never wanting to drink like my parents. I began seeing a psychiatrist who suggested I read the book Adult Children of Alcoholics where in I figured out that I grew up in an alcoholic home.
In my thirties I became mentally ill after drinking with my parents in their home and made a suicide attempt and almost died. I lost everything and spent two years living on welfare and food stamps. I had become disabled and survived on Social Security. When I returned to the workforce, I had impaired memory from benzodiazapines and got sick and had to be hospitalized going off this med. Eventually psych meds became available that enabled me to work again. I discovered an allergy to steroids in my 7th year of sobriety. Any type of steroid makes me manic.
I found a New Age Church where I discovered a Higher Power. I met the man of my dreams and found the ability to work again. I quit smoking in 1999, quit benzodiazepines in 2001, alcohol in 2004, and steroids in 2011.
I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2008 and lost my job due to cognitive impairment. When I got sober in 2004 by working the steps with battle axe AA and Alanon sponsors, the recovery promises came true for me. My life is a whirlwind of acceptance. I can say God is breathing for me, thinking for me, acting for me, standing for me, listening for me, speaking for me, and one with me. I can quiet the mind and have God show me the way. I can pretend that God is saying to me “Yield to me; let me guide you; let me protect you; let me take care of you; let me relax you; let me soothe you; let me heal you, and let me cure you.” I can quiet the mind and have God show me the way. I can focus, concentrate, watch, observe, reflect, notice, and listen. I can look around me and be blessed. I can be soft and slow, loving and giving, balanced, healthy, and faithful.
The recovery promises have come true for me, and the obsession with alcohol has been removed. I am seldom interested in liquor, and if tempted, I recoil from it as if from a hot flame.
Emotional sobriety means not wanting to hurt myself. I can be rid of my “bad girl complex”. When I want to hurt myself, I can say, “Thank you old habit, but I don’t need you anymore.” Pain and mania are not in charge, and I can accept love and love myself.
Perfectionism is a tool to be critical; I can be loving and giving instead. I can “Be still and know I am God” and practice awareness, acceptance, and action. Instead of fear I can change my negative thoughts to positive. I can let go of self-seeking and ask for freedom from self-will. I’m grateful today for the ability to be of service to God and to my fellows. Under God’s care I can pause, slow down, and stand now, walk now, drive now, listen now, speak now, and cognate better today. Amen!
-Pat

“We are average Americans. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain’s table. Unlike the feelings of the ship’s passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.

“The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action”

– Alcoholics Anonymous page 17

And it truly is a fellowship that is indescribably wonderful. At least that’s has been and continues to be my experience. The fourteens International convention held this year in Atlanta Georgia was no exception! 57,000 of my closest and dearest friends gathered over the 4th of July weekend to celebrate AA’s 80th birthday! And what a celebration it was!

The opening celebration on Thursday July 2 started with a flag ceremony. The crowd was electric with excitement as the announcer counted down to the beginning of the weekend event. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 .1 was displayed on the jumbo screens at the Georgia Dome. The crowd cheered as a marching drum band made its way through the capacity filed stadium and on to the stage. 98 countries from all over the world where represented. The first was a Native American, then alphabetically each presenter proudly carried their counties flag out from behind the stage and placed them in their stand on either side of the stage where they stayed throughout the conference. The opening ceremony cumulated with a speaker meeting in which three members of Alcoholics Anonymous shared what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now. The message of hope was strong and prevalent!

There were many more workshops than any one person could go to at once. There literally where at least four or five to choose from at any given time. It was suggested to me to get to the ones I wanted to attend at least a half hour early, which was good advice because the rooms tended to fill up very fast! Our friend Charlie T bought the entire set of recording so they will be available very soon. Saturday’s main meeting is what they call the “old timers” meeting. To be considered an old time you have to have 50 or more years. At that meeting there were 100 people with 50 years or more of sobriety, o in a little section in front of the stage sat over 5,300 years of sobriety! I can’t imagine that, I can’t imagine how much collective sobriety there was with 57,000 of us in the Georgia Dome!!! They drew 12 names from that 100 and each one got 5 minutes to share. I thought for sure they would get up there and say, “Ok boys and girls here’s how you do it . . . .” They didn’t! In fact one guy, I forget his name so I’ll call him Bob. When he got his turn he said, “My name’s Bob and I’m an alcoholic, I’m American / Mexican, except when I was drinking, then I was an Italian.” Then would just laugh and laugh, He said you guys give him the giggles! That’s attraction to me, that’s exactly what I want from this deal, and for the most part that’s exactly what I have. I am Happy, Joyous and Free!

Even with 57,000 of us there at the International and knowing that there are over 2 million members worldwide the thing that really struck me was that it’s still about one alcoholic sharing with another alcoholic. Two people carrying the message of hope, the message that our founders wrote in the first 164 pages of our book. We are so blessed to have this program of recovery, this way of living that really does work.

This year I decided two weeks before the conference to go, I had never attended one before. I’m already making plans for the next one that will be held in Detroit in 2020. I’m planning on renting a condo for the week. Anyone want to come with?

Doug R.

There are so many benefits to this tradition for the alcoholic and for the group and for all AA as a whole. When we first come into AA we were at a bottom – nothing was working for us. Many did not have a job or a place to stay, but most could still find the money for the next drink. We surrendered to the fact that we could no longer drink, because of the price it required of us, and that wasn’t money. So slowly we put in a basket what little we had and began to
acquire a life worth living. It made us responsible for the first time (for many of us) to become a part of taking care of ourselves Many times we look at AAers who have been around awhile who feel they have paid enough dues, and leave the burden of being financially responsible to newcomers who believe in the 7th tradition.

Our co-founders understood they protected this program from outside help, so we would not have to lean on others, otherwise we would not be able to show how an alcoholic who was socially irresponsible came to be responsible. As in most of our other traditions this one also keeps outsiders out of our fellowship that will continue to want to take control, offer new and “improved,” or unrealistic changes to a program. If that were to happen, we would rarely find someone who receives this gift of sobriety.

Alethea H.

I remember I always wanted to be a dad. Growing up I dreamed of having a son of my own one day.  I would teach him how to be a gentleman, play golf, work hard for the things he wants, to always be honest and not to take things for granted. Enjoy life!

When I was younger I thought by the time I had turned 25 I would have a wife, a few kids, a high paying job, so on and so forth. But alcohol and drugs seemed to over rule those aspirations. I struggled with alcohol for 15 years and created a great deal of wreckage along the way. I became very selfish and being responsible for another human being was completely out of the question. I eventually wised up when things got as bad as they did for me. I reached out and found a way with the help of and others and a higher power so I could overcome my addictions. My life changed almost instantly when I got sober. I had hope and acceptance for the first time in a very long time.

I met my loving wife in sobriety. We wed a couple years later and she got pregnant  a few years after that. I was terrified! Was I really going to be a dad? How could I live up to this? Questions I’m sure all soon to be fathers have. As my anxiety grew so did her belly. I would ask other dads things like, “how much did your life change” or “did you have to give up everything you enjoy doing?” Was I really ready to be a father?

August 2013 we had our baby boy. As soon as I saw his face all those questions and fears were erased. It’s something I can’t put into words but I’m sure many know and can relate to the joy of holding a newborn and feeling all its life generating from their tiny body.

I’m positive I couldn’t be the father I am today without sobriety. I enjoy every minute I spend with him. Watching him grow and learn so fast never ceases to amaze me. I’m proud to be a dad and grow older with this beautiful gift of raising children. Don’t get me wrong being a dad isn’t always easy but for me it’s worth it and I credit my sobriety for putting me in a position to be their for my baby boy. I love you son!

Spencer S.