Author: webservant

The only thing an alcoholic may find more boring than a group business meeting is reading about a group business meeting.  With that in mind, I will try to make this as painless as possible and stick to my experience and the experiences of the groups I have belong to.

During my first years of sobriety, I could have cared less about how my group was functioning.  I just wanted to stay sober and I was glad that my sponsor and the group were there.  Then, after a couple of years I became more interested in what was going on in my group.  It was then that I realized that my group had its own shortcomings just like any alcoholic.

After switching groups around 4 years sober, I got involved with a group that was conducting regular business meetings and group inventories.  Once a quarter, they would hold a group inventory and ask the group inventory questions from the pamphlet “The AA Group … Where it All Begins”.  The pamphlet suggests holding group inventories and periodically asking questions such as “What is the basic purpose of our group?” and “Do new members stick with us or does the turnover seem excessive?”

I found these group inventories to be a little boring, yes but also comforting.  It was nice to know that there was a place for our group to explore our shortcomings together.  If I don’t continue to take a personal inventory, my defects are not going to do away.  And the same is for the group.

Of course, now I had found the “right way” to hold business meetings and how to conduct a group.  I moved to a couple of different states over the next few years and I learned that groups that had been around for 10 – 20 years were not so interested in learning about the “right way” to do Alcoholics Anonymous.  There were a few painful business meetings where I voiced my minority opinion with self righteous fervor.  Luckily, most of the other members just listed patiently.

As I learned I could not completely change a homegroup, I could positively influence by acting in a positive way and voicing my opinion when appropriate.  I also learned that I did not need to change every group I belonged to.  I also learned that if I did not really like the group, I could always change homegroups.

Today, I am part of a homegroup that also has regular business meetings.  We have business meetings once a month where we elect for coffee, greater, set-up, and take-down positions.  And then once a quarter, we meet at a members house to go over our group inventory.  We typically make it a fellowship event that last for about 2 hours.  The first hour is spent socializing and eating.  And then the second hour we have the meeting.

During the first half hour of the meeting, we go over minutes from the last group conscious meeting and any group business.  And then for about 20 minutes we will ask the questions from the AA Group pamphlet or from The Traditions Checklist from the AA Grapevine.  It is an open group format and everyone is encouraged to participate.  It is the chairperson’s responsibility to keep the meeting on topic.  We have recently transitioned to using the Traditions Checklist from the AA Grapevine and only going over one tradition at a time.

In this way, our group as a channel for members to voice their frustrations and hopes for the group.  It is also a great way for the group to reflect how we are doing on meeting the checklist.

That is the way my group does it today.  I did not invent this system.  I am just lucky enough to be a part of it. And I am also luck enough to remember most of the time that this is not the only right way to conduct a group business meeting and inventory

– Mark

This is part of that advice that we all receive as newcomers that accompanies, “Get a sponsor, work the steps.” Fortunately, I had the openness and willingness to follow that advice and for that I am very grateful.

I have a different meeting that I regularly attend for each day of the week. Some days alternate between a meeting during the day or an evening meeting, depending on work and other commitments. In a certain sense, each of these meetings acts as a kind of home group for me. My home group meets 5 days each week, but I attend at least once or twice each week.

These descriptive phrases help me understand what a home group is- there could be certainly be more:

1. I am regularly there
2. I miss only when it cannot be helped
3. I have developed close relationships with others who attend
4. I take positions of service at the meeting or in the name of the group
5. I come early when possible and stay late at times
6. I care about the meeting
7. I celebrate lengths of sobriety at this meeting (mine and others)
8. I encourage others to attend my home group

While I try to bring each of these to every meeting I attend, they are most particularly present at my home group.

I think each person should have the chance to hospitable, welcoming and of service in his or her own home group. It makes sense to me that each group is determined by its own group conscience. Every group I attend does not necessarily need my input to their conscience. I like the idea of benefitting from each group as they wish to have a meeting.  Each group should be confident in its own way of doing things.

We hear at meetings that no one person speaks for AA. I also think that no one meeting speaks for AA. Pick a home group and contribute to its carrying of the message. Work to make the carrying of the message in your home group the best it can be. I have also learned that it is foolish for me to think that each meeting I attend has to meet my expectation of a meeting. I should accept to group’s hospitality, contribute graciously and willingly and depart gratefully.

When I am asked to introduce myself at a meeting as an out of town visitor, I am always excited to say, “My name is John and my home group is the 5:15 Happy Hour in Salt Lake City, Utah.”

-John

Early in my sobriety, my sponsor was constantly encouraging me to volunteer for every little thing that came up, so when they were looking for AA volunteers for prison, I felt that familiar elbow in my ribs. I knew where I was headed and I soon found myself at the Fred House training center at the Utah State Prison for an indoctrination class. It didn’t look too bad.  After waiting for months without a response to my application, I called, only to learn that I had been denied because I had a relative, unknown to me, in the area I would be going into and that was not allowed. After three or four more attempts, I decided to forget it. Nineteen years later, after I got one of my sponsees involved in service, he wondered why I was not going into the prison, as well. I explained the problem and he suggested I try again. How’s that? The sponsee is telling the sponsor what to do. Ok. I’ll do it! Amazingly, it went right through and I was soon walking through the gates of the Lone Peak Facility for my first prison meeting. One of the inmates there had written to World Services and had the Life Elevated Group recognized as an official AA meeting. That first meeting quickly fueled my passion and I accepted the responsibility for the Sunday night meetings. Some nights there were only two of us, but on others, there were up to 16 men. It is never the same, but everyone always has a chance to share. I have been fortunate to take some of these men to their first meetings after being released, and have also seen them accept additional chips for years of sobriety.

Unfortunately, as we know, some people just can’t seem to get it, and I have seen some back behind the fence shortly after being released. Perhaps next time will be different!

After three years, due to a dwindling population and budget cuts, the Lone Peak Facility and other small sections are being shuttered. Most inmates will move to the Wasatch Facility, others to the Gunnison Prison and some to local jails or halfway houses. I have been assured that once everyone has been transferred, we can resume our Sunday meetings at Wasatch. Not soon enough! These people think we go out there just for them, but these meetings have certainly helped to keep me sober. Thanks for the opportunity to serve.

–John E.

Okay, so the first eight steps were behind me. I felt as if I had already given so much of myself in the previous steps, but was now faced with moving from behind the shield of protection that surrounded me in AA, to the firing line of reality.  Could I do it?

I had felt protected.  I had felt safe.  All the things that I had shared or accomplished to this point were conducted in AA meetings, or were shared with my sponsor in working the steps, in safe and protected rooms.  The people I had harmed were still just in written form, on a piece of paper.  I knew the harm had been done, but it seemed distant and less real, even though I had just completed a thorough eighth step.  They were names on paper, that’s all.  Standing in front of a piece of paper with a list of names on it did not seem threatening in any form.

My sponsor was great at bringing me back to reality.  I won’t say he was a big book thumper, but he knew that if I wanted to truly get over drinking, that Step Nine must be completed.  We read and reread pages 76-84 in the Big Book, which provide the primary instructions for making amends to those we harmed, and then he set me free to go make amends.  I found that I could do it, but more importantly, that I WOULD do it.  Willingness: the word that leads to honesty and open-mindedness, and ultimately ACTION.

My experience boils down to this:  First – pray for courage before meeting with any individual that you are going to make direct amends to (you must stay spiritually fit).  Second – keep it honest and simple and stay on task, never get defensive.  Third – disclose directly the reasons you are making amends as you understand the situation.  Fourth – ask the person what harm you have caused them (it is easy to express what you believe happened, but entirely different to know what they experienced, or how they felt when we harmed them)..  Five – ask not for forgiveness, but make a sincere apology to the one you harmed and ask specifically what you can do to ‘make it right’, and if it is not immoral or unethical, do all you can to heed their request.  Six – accept that you did all you are required to do to make amends, regardless of the outcome.  Surprisingly you will find that most amends end positively.

My strength boils down to this:  The ninth step promises are real.  My favorite promise from working this step is that I will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace, followed by not being afraid of people anymore, especially those I harmed.

My hope boils down to this:  I hope you pray for the courage to do this step.  The freedom is immeasurable and the promises are life-changing.  I hope you lean on your sponsor for direction and take advantage of their experience and guidance along with the suggestions found in pages 76-84 of the Big Book and complimented by the suggestions in the Twelve and Twelve on step nine.  Taking AA from the rooms of AA into action is life changing.  You want to quit drinking for good?  Then take this step completely and thoroughly.   Remember: Half-measures avail us nothing…..

– Lloyd R

Tradition Nine is astonishing, “AA as such ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.” In the words of Bill W, “The least possible organization, that’s our universal ideal. No fees, no dues, no rules imposed on anybody, one alcoholic bringing recovery to the next; that’s the substance of what we most desire, isn’t it?”

As an alcoholic, recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, I’m still riddled with character defects… the biggest one is the idea that “I know what’s right for other people.”  Even after a few 24 hours, those defects crop up most often in situations I am passionate about. The 9th tradition helps keep me right sized, keep me in the center of the heap instead of trying to climb to the top of it or hide underneath it. The 9th Tradition reminds me I am just a person amidst a sea of people. That was something my sponsor really drove home… that I am unique but not different.

Like the actor in The Big Book, I am sometimes tempted to run the whole show. If everyone would just play the role I assigned everything would turn out fine. There are cautioning words later in working with others… Bill stresses that we do not know what’s right for other people… only what is right for me.

It was in my first business meeting in a home group with several hundred members I had my first encounter with the 9th tradition. A hot topic was being called to vote, there were many passionate views being expressed on both sides… things were getting heated. It was those Elder Statesman that gently reminded the group of tradition and concept, and then allowed the chips to fall as they may.  And while there were members sober much longer than me, my vote counted just as much. That’s the group conscience working in Alcoholics Anonymous. Then I’m just another Bozo on the bus, period- not better than or worse than.

Today I seek to see myself as one in the family, a worker among workers, just another driver on the highway of life. The 9th tradition taught me that.

-Anna S.

What constitutes a good AA meeting? Please do not ask me for a list of questions which might draw more varied responses than this. Suffice it to say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So in attempt to pare the possibilities, let’s consider the beholder. As the author I would like to point out my near-lifelong willingness to share/write about things I claim to have experienced myself. So, for our purposes here and in adherence to the prescribed article parameters, our beholder (AA meeting attendee) is a straight male in recovery from alcoholism. With this knowledge we are now able to respectfully eliminate responses from gay men and the fairer sex.

Certainly any AA meeting should contain/emit some structure. A timely opening of the meeting as published is a good way to start. Perhaps a reading of the AA Preamble and rules of participation for the individual meeting could follow. How It Works and the Twelve Traditions are great informative readings describing what we’re all about and should succeed the aforementioned. At this juncture we have a great start for what is involved in a good AA meeting. This being the “boilerplate” as it was.

However, the aforementioned has only set up an opportunity for our male in recovery from alcoholism to receive what he may require for a sober day. More succinctly what might our man require out of a meeting to qualify it as helpful? A collected and widely viewed thought is that a man should be able to view the room’s male attendees and feel “a part of.” An “ironclad” way of insuring this is to become involved in some type of service for that group.

We believe it is nearly critical for a man to feel “a part of” a group of men in recovery. Childhood issues of the individual male experience may stay with a fellow for his lifetime. On display at any men’s AA gathering are prime examples of men dealing with past male abuse issues; distrust, fear and in general a misunderstanding all together of male-machismo. Additionally on display is the resulting behaviors of men with differing, shall we say, more fortunate male experiences of; guidance, comradery, masculine friendship/bonding and trust. The mixture of these varied experiences is a wonder as men give freely of what they have and others are welcome to consider, absorb and or take what they are lacking or are attracted to. A men’s AA meeting is a great place for a man to determine that he is perhaps not so different from his male alcoholic colleagues.

If a man peruses the attendees of a men’s AA meeting he may be inclined to lose focus through various fellows, looks, demeanor or apparent state of emotion. Generally speaking, he can and will regain his focus momentarily. When a man peruses those in attendance of a coed AA meeting he will absolutely lose his focus at one time or another with virtually little or no chance of recovering it prior to the closing. I make this last statement in jest and sincere truth alike. Certainly a man can be a positive contributor/receptor of a coed AA meeting but for many men, the fewer distractions the better chance for focus. Along this line is the likelihood that the female presence can and will give different motivations to some men’s thought processes and subsequent sharing. Perhaps proving to be dissuasion from an honest share from the heart?

As with any AA meeting there are positive and negative examples of humanity in recovery or perhaps new verse more experienced is a more appropriate way to put it? For what it is worth to the eye of our beholder; if it looks like a man, talks like a man, dresses like a man, drinks like an alcoholic man, this man should be most willing to subject himself to the world of male recovery a minimum of once per week. Any AA should always pursue improvement as in enhancement to their recovery as well as the giving away of what one has so freely been given. It is beneficial for our man to learn to trust, include, serve, work with and realize the commonalities which we all share.

In closing I should like to say that the first two years of my sobriety were in men’s groups exclusively. It was not designed that way. It was simply that when women attended they rarely came back. When I began to participate in coed meetings my eyes were opened to the female side of alcoholism. I was amazed at the many commonalities, the differences and also the varied feelings regarding a female perspective of the Big Book and Its 1930’s-esqe writing. My early male dominated influence set me on a solid path albeit a double-standard and sexist one. I learned this through coed AA. I maintain that a well-informed male in AA needs both coed and men’s meetings. However, there is no substitution for that one hour per week. Thank you.

-Jon

It was started in 1976 by Marian B and B. Marvis L, Marian and Marvis were working for South Valley Counseling Services, funded by Salt Lake County, After losing their funding, they founded the Sobriety Corporation, The meeting location was across the street from Hillcrest High School, that’s why it’s called the Hillcrest Group. After the meeting, we would walk across the parking lot to the Belgian Waffle Restaurant. We also held a few meetings in the back room of the restaurant.

Over the years, the group had to move many times. We have had many landlords. After leaving the offices of the Sobriety Corporation, they went out of business. We moved to a little, white, wood frame building on State Street by the Last Outpost Restaurant. That building is now a trophy store. The group then moved to the back room of the South Seas Restaurant, now closed. We met for about two months in the Copperview Community Center. We had two or three meetings in a beauty salon in Murray. We then moved to the American Legion Hall in Sandy until it burned down. When we were at that location, we were giving a lady in the group $10,00 to bake cakes for those celebrating A.A. birthdays, Instead, she spent the money to go to school. She said she meant to pay it back, but the money was never repaid_ George, the Commander of the American Legion Hall, called to tell me that we were about 11 months past due on the rent. At the next meeting, we told the group what had happened.  We passed a basket around and collected more than enough money to pay the rent.

We then moved to our present location, St, James Episcopal Church, 7486 Union Park Avenue. Marian didn’t give chips. She made up paper bags with colored stars on them. She had a formula for the number of stars in particular colors for each length of sobriety.

When we were meeting by the Belgian Waffle Restaurant, we would randomly speak. If there was a pause in the speaking, the Chair person would call on someone to speak. When the Central Office wanted the groups to have historians, a lady named Rachel told us she wanted to be our group historian. We gave her all the group history and never saw her again. Marian kept all the sobriety birth dates on index cards in a recipe box

For many years, the group had summer picnics funded with profits from the book raffle_ A young man named Mike, hosted the first one in his grandmother’s backyard. There was a rope tied in a tree and we tried to climb it. The picnics were potluck and most of them were at Riverton Park. We would play horse shoes and volleyball. The last two were at Murray Park. I miss them.

-Reed P.

There once was a girl. She didn’t know much but that changed. She was confused about what was happening. She thought and thought and just had a gut feeling, and later found out that all of her thoughts and feelings were right, her dad was doing drugs. She just didn’t know how bad it was. She was very close with her dad, but finding out the truth made her more distant from him, she didn’t want to get even more hurt than she already was. The girl started to notice that her dad was getting worse so she asked her mom what was going on. Her mom told her that her dad was doing heroin instead of pain pills now. The girl knew that was one of the worst drugs. Her mom couldn’t handle it anymore and wanted to get a divorce. Her dad found out and went crazy. He started doing meth. He stole everything from the family to get money for drugs because he obviously didn’t have a job anymore. The family kicked him out of their house. He had nowhere to go because nobody wants a drug addict living in their house so he had to live in his car. After a while of not seeing him the family decided to meet him for lunch because their grandpa just died. The girl has never seen her dad that bad. At that point he was mixing heroin and meth together. He had all of his stuff locked up in chains because he thought somebody was out to get him. Everybody kept telling him he needed to go get help, he didn’t actually want help but he went and got it anyways to make everyone happy except for himself. Right as he got out of rehab he went right back to doing drugs, it wasn’t even two days! The girl was hurt, all she wanted was for this to be over, it was hurting her so bad. She thought the best way to make her feel better was to be mean to her dad whenever he talked to her or not even talk to him at all, but she didn’t know that it was hurting her even more. One day something really bad happened, the girls dad was so high that he threatened somebody, he thought that guy was out to get him when really he wasn’t. He got a felony for that. He would never do that when he was clean so after that the girls dad decided himself that he wanted to get better. Nobody forced him too. The girl saw her dad clean and realized she didn’t want to be mean to him anymore. She knew she would be happier if she had memories with her dad when he was gone rather than not having any memories with him at all. She also knew that in order for her dad to get better she needed to support him and be there for him. He has been clean for over 7 months now and the girl is more forgiving for his choices and not as angry with him. She still isn’t as close with him as she used to be and probably never will be but she is still working on being close with him and she will now have good memories with him, and if he chooses to go back to drugs she’s going to be more forgiving and be there for him when he needs it. She now knows that addiction takes over your whole life and what he does while he is high he can’t control it.

-Anonymous (14 years old)