Author: webservant

Aside from the belligerent behavior and systematic sabotage of my life and everything within it which I held/hold dear, WHAT’S TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT? Surely there are millions upon millions whom probably in more ways than not are like me. I’ve heard some numbers, but I don’t know the source reference, so let’s just say I’m estimating. Nevertheless, here I am 25 years later, finally wizening up (if that’s not a stretch); sobering up. One day I’m drunk/drinking and the next day different. There’s nothing magic about it, really. I had given up waiting on the world to uphold some strange ethical code I had in my head/heart? I had all but given up my own. I gave up on myself and the world happily supported that. That cliché about looking yourself in the eye, as much as I hate clichés, well, that happened to me. The disgust I had for the image in the mirror that day, it literally made me sick to my stomach. Well, that, and the binge hangover, I’m sure.

I remembered when I was vibrant and dynamic. I could keep my own gaze with confidence. I commanded what I did rather than hoped for it. I had a plan (WHAT A LAUGH). Age may have played a factor in all this as well while I studied the deepening lines on my face (damn those clichés) and thought – How did I become this? Long had it been since I bothered to look at myself. The person I saw that day and the one I remembered were two different people. But one in the same. How confusing was that day, huh?
I had been to A.A. before. 15 years ago I received a month sobriety chip. I loved the program but then paid a visit to an old friend and returned to old habits. I told myself, if I could do it for 30 days, I could do it for an eternity, when I was ready (I said I loved the program, not grasped it).  After that point I still held A.A. in high regard, though only as a good alternative lifestyle, when the time came.
This time, my motivation wasn’t the rock bottom moment which I shared. At least not at first. It was simply for my most recent drunk buddy. “Sure,” I told myself, “it was him who got me into this stupor. I might be messed up, but damn, he fell asleep at the bar!” In my opinion, that was a line you just didn’t cross!
So I took it upon myself to be the good friend that got him some help.  Being his coworker also, I pestered him all day.  Eventually, he caved and agreed to a meeting with me that night. There were a few stipulations, but I figured if I could just get him there, A.A. could put the whammy on him. So I set it up.
I made sure to arrive a little early to tell the people how things needed to go in order to keep him (HA!) “Please don’t call any attention to us. We just want to observe.”, I instructed. I think we all know how that went. Chips, hugs and names were exchanged, and to make a long story short, he never went back but I did, and continue doing so. Eventually, even though he still suffers, I realized what had taken place, and thanked him for being a supportive friend by getting me through those doors.
It hasn’t been peaches ‘n’ cream by any means. I still get cravings and mood swings, have picked up and put down step 4 several times, am seeking another sponsor, and am trying to tough my way through these things labeled “Service Work”. I already see a monumental improvement across the board. I’m not drinking, going to meetings, and trying to carry the message. The one that works for me is: “If you want to continue drinking, that’s your business. If you want to STOP drinking, that’s OUR business.” And so it is.

Thanks for letting me share.

~ Danny S.
Salt Lake City, UT

Hello friends of the Fellowship, I’m a happy member of the Acceptance group of A.A. I’m thrilled to be living sober and serving as a part of this miracle we call Alcoholics Anonymous. I was asked to share my experience, strength, and hope regarding step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable. Here’s how it happened for me.

I tried alcohol when I was ten years old. Some friends and I got into his mother’s liquor that she had under the sink. It was vodka and whiskey. I can’t remember everything that happened, but I recall laughing a lot while talking with a religious leader who rarely laughed. At 13 I found a bottle of whiskey left over from a party that I hid in my drawer. Again, I can’t remember everything that happened, but I recall laughing, jumping around on my bed, falling down a lot, and waking up, naked and bruised. 14-17 was a lot of alcohol, weed, laughing and jumping around, more nakedness, more bruises, cops, handcuffs, upset parents, more drinking, more cops, more upset parents, some legal fees, and then some sobriety while I did some service for the popular religious organization in Utah.

I returned from my religious service in a foreign land believing that I would live happily ever after, but that didn’t happen. My curiosity found alcohol again. I was without defense. I took one drink, and it turned into thousands thereafter. Again, there was the laughter, jumping around, nakedness, bruises, close calls with the cops, upset parents, bars, parties etc. . . It was during this time that I found the courage to look inside myself and see that I was homosexual, and that the religion I was raised with was not the one for me. That was a painful experience filled with tears and mixed emotions. My understanding of life, God, and happiness twisted and shattered. Alcohol consumed me. I drank, I partied, I raved, I sobbed in anger, bitterness, and sorrow. Then there was a deep emptiness. I would drink and laugh at parties, but inside I felt so far away – so alone. I would wake up in the night drunk and crying not knowing why I was crying. There was no joy left in drinking.

I couldn’t stop drinking. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. This perplexed me, made me laugh a little bit, and then it scared me. I was in something worse than a bad situation. Deep inside I knew it. I contacted a friend and told her what was happening to me. She shared her story with me and I knew that she knew exactly what I was talking about. Her honesty exposed me to the cold fact that I have a progressive disease, and that it will kill me if I drink. I dumped the remainder of my booze, sobered up at her place for a few days, got introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I haven’t had a drink since.

Alcoholics Anonymous has presented me with a way to live happily without drinking. I don’t ever have to drink again, and I don’t want to. I work the steps and they work for me. I have respectfully set aside the religion of my up-bringing. I am content with the sexuality I have been given. I cherish a flexible understanding of Higher Powers, I enjoy a beautiful life today and I owe it to the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous. It sounds too good to be true, but it’s not. Reach out in humility, and you too will be rocketed into the fourth dimension of living.

The Acceptance Group
361 North 300 West SLC
Sundays 3:00pm

In September of 2011, Christy R, Nick R and I went to the annual Central Office/Intergroup/AAWS/AA Grapevine Seminar in Tucson, AZ. We thought there might be some answers for the questions we were hearing at the Salt Lake Central Office. Our then Central Office manager was not going to attend the event, and we felt attendance could be beneficial to the Salt Lake Central Office.

We found the Seminar to be a 3-day whirlwind of information and discussion, most of it relevant to our topics of concern. We appreciated the presence of GSO and the Grapevine, we met our Central Office/GSO contact, Jim K and our GSO office manager, Phyllis H. We met many people from all over the country, doing what we do. We left there a little puzzled (and bruised) by the refusal of the Seminar to share with us their wealth of information contained in a database that was accessible to “office managers only.”

We returned home and discussed our experience, wondering what happens next. Since we each paid for the trip out-of-pocket, it wasn’t likely that we would be attending another Seminar. We had no access to the database. We wanted to continue having a venue of discussion with other Central Office/Intergroups. We considered the five Central Office/Intergroups in Utah and the idea to hold our own “Seminar” was born.

The Outreach Committee at Salt Lake Central Office began preparation for a “gathering” in Salt Lake City. An invitation went out from the Salt Lake Central Office to the Ogden Central Office, Cache Valley Intergroup, Utah Valley Central Office, Dixie Central Office and the Utah Area 69 Delegate to attend the five hour gathering, with a request for topics of discussion. The response was overwhelmingly positive with acceptance from all invitees.

We met on a Saturday in mid-March, had a wonderful 5-hour discussion about various issues and topics, exchanged phone numbers and emails and left contented, but wondering what happens next?

Erin B, office manager for the Cache Valley Intergroup, was very inspired by the event. She was particularly interested in more contact with Area 69 and requested funding from her Intergroup to attend the next Assembly. The Intergroup did not approve the expenditure. Erin called GSO and talked to our contact, Jim  at the group-services desk, to see if there was anything in the collective consciousness about her predicament. Jim told her of a conference call that had been started in Maryland that kept the Central Offices connected, and the Area also took part in the call.

Erin spoke with the moderator, Cynthia T, and learned that the call had been going on for a year or so and they were having great success with it. Erin and I were invited to join one of their calls. I was amazed at the amount of information that passed between the attendees: announcements of upcoming events, follow-up on previously planned events, and reports from the delegate and each of the offices.

Erin was very excited about the possibility of having a conference call here in Utah with the attendees from the previous gathering. I was very excited at the thought of maintaining continuity, an annual event seemed a little sparse. We have issues, people. Erin created an account on a free web service that allows unlimited numbers of callers and can record the conversation for those who might have missed it. The invitations went out and we waited.

The first Utah Central Office/Intergroup monthly conference call was held on September 26, 2012. Cynthia graciously accepted our invitation to attend and gave an opening presentation of the experience, strength and hope of her Area and Intergroups. She had many valuable insights as the call went on. We really appreciate her kindness, and her willingness to stay up well past bed time. On the east coast, she joined the call at 10pm! Our Area delegate was on the call, even though the attendance doesn’t indicate he was there (sorry Keith!), and we are very grateful for his strong interest and support of the central offices and intergroups in Utah. He was very grateful to be able to attend in his pajamas.

We had a great meeting full of interesting topics and some ground-rule setting. It was discovered through this call that there were many events coming up in the following month that may have been better planned if we had been in contact with each other. I’m looking forward to the growth and effectiveness of the conference call. It’s available to anyone who is interested in attending, contact outreach@saltlakeaa.org for the call-in number.

In loving service,

Wendy W.
Salt Lake Central Office Outreach Chair
outreach@saltlakeaa.org

“A.A., as such, ought never be organized.” And as the long form of tradition nine suggests, “Rotating leadership is the best.”

Every service position I’ve ever held has brought a new awareness of the multifaceted aspects of this Fellowship that we call Alcoholics Anonymous. At the end of the two year commitment I am always ready to rotate out and move on to something new. That usually happens just when I begin to feel like I know what I’m supposed to be doing! That is part of the beauty of rotation, the necessity of rotation. If I continue more than a two year commitment the position becomes mine, rather than me serving it, it would serve me. It would become totally backwards and upside down. I’ve seen that happen more than once with predictable results.

Besides it’s exciting to see ‘new blood’ come in and not only bring new energy and direction, but to experience the same blessings of growth and understanding that I have. It is exciting to see. I’ve heard people grumble, “Rotation isn’t the same people rotating through the various jobs.” To them I say, “Be the change you want to see. Stand for one of those Board of Trustee positions or Standing Committees. If you don’t it will be the same dedicated people joyfully serving the Fellowship that has saved their lives.”

My service sponsor told me that, “Service is gratitude in action.” I love that, as well as the statement that, “God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.” My only addition to that last statement is to be sure you’re called and not just, “well I meet the minimum requirements to stand.”

We truly are blessed to have this Fellowship, the Steps of recovery, the Service structure and all these wonderful people! A.A. not only saved my life but it continues to give me a life worth living.

Doug R.
Newsletter Chair

Just one last time, I promise then I’ll change. My father glaring back at me holding back every tear in his heart, I was barely legal to pick up the bottle. That was the day I broke the heart of a person I always looked up to and dreamt of being. I had lost who I was. I was so afraid to fix this and thought I did not deserve that opportunity from all the hurt I had caused this world. But the same person I turned away helped pick me back up when I reached my hand out.

That was several years ago. Now after bettering who I am and being able to look the “world in the eye” by taking the steps, I have a relationship beyond measure with my father. I accepted my lessons and capitalized on that, through actions and not words for the first time in my life. Spirituality saved my life and I have learned to trust it to the best of my abilities. I owe my relationship that I have with my father today to all those individuals who lent their time to me on my journey.

Not only has the fellowship and program (12 steps, service, meetings) changed my current/old behaviors, but I have also been able to see my father change alongside me. To see love fill someone’s heart is beyond words, its priceless. I was so grateful for an answer to my chaos and I found that in the Big Book, it was the first time I could sit and enjoy all of me.

My life is about learning today and that is what I strive to do to the best of my ability. Before I believed I was on my own and had to figure it out, hard knock life. When I first came in, I was told to give it just one year, one year was not enough as I did not think AA would work for me, I was hopeless. Now I have the opportunity to be an example to younger individuals all around me and they are an example for me (Thanks Flava).

The gift about it all is really that I do not know anything about staying sober nor do I have the answer, but I have the happiness to show that it works. “Carry the message to other alcoholics” was the only requirement of my sponsor; it has been that simple when I open my eyes and ears with trust and a little love. I heard this early on and it has stuck with me every since “How many people you bless is how you measure success” and “The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.” Small things changed my life by being “All In.” Thank you for this blessing of the second breath I have been given, I am forever grateful for you all.

Mario D.

While the Trustees hold final responsibility for A.A.’s world service administration, they should always have the assistance of the best possible standing committees, corporate service directors, executives, staffs and consultants. Therefore the composition of these underlying committees and service boards, the personal qualifications of their members, the manner of their induction into service, the systems of their rotation, the way in which they are related to each other, the special rights and duties of our executives, staffs and consultants, together with a proper basis for the financial compensation of these special workers, will always be matters for serious care and concern.

It seems to me that during this particular time in A.A. Concept Eleven deserves a thorough review. In this Concept we acknowledge that the Trustees, although they hold the final responsibility, cannot possibly do all of the work that needs to be done in administering the services of our fellowship.

The Trustees are unpaid trusted servants, most of whom are still involved in their own careers and life responsibilities. They have only part time to devote to their unpaid work for Alcoholics Anonymous. Therefore, it is important to ensure that they have the best possible assistance and that the paid staff members of our General Service Office and the Grapevine are well qualified and their roles are clearly defined.

Most members of Alcoholics Anonymous may never have an opportunity to meet any of the Trustees outside their own region. However, every member of A.A. who seeks information or assistance from the General Service Office or the Grapevine will have an opportunity to interact with the staff members, and from these staff members they will obtain the assistance or information they seek.

Similarly, these staff members will be the most frequent representation of A.A. to those members of the public who seek information about our program. For these potential friends of A.A. the staff member contacted is the face of A.A. It is essential, then, that these staff members should be informed, capable and given the authority they need to perform this service for us.

The discussion of Concept XI in the Service Manual also provides detailed information about the structure of the Trustees’ Committees and the corporate structures of A.A.W.S. and the A.A. Grapevine. While we as a fellowship are discussing the possibility of revising this structure, it is good to look to our history, and to the reasoning behind the current structure, which is comprised of two separate corporations. Only by understanding the purpose for the structure can we come to an informed decision regarding any proposed changes to that structure, and the impact such changes may have.

This Concept also outlines the A.A. method for delegation of authority and responsibility, compensation philosophy, rotation of staff, and other matters which are unique to A.A. Indeed, it almost seems the amount of information could easily have been broken down into several Concepts – but then we would have more than twelve, a number to which many of us seem to have a real attachment!

My hope is that this brief glimpse of Concept XI will encourage the reader to pick up the service manual again, or for the first time, and learn more about the fascinating program of Alcoholics Anonymous which has not only saved my life, but given me a life worth living.

Mickey H., Past Delegate

Panel 49, Utah Area 69

“Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films. Al-Anon Addition: We need guard with special care the anonymity of all A.A. members.”

When discussing their personal recovery with the media, members who are identified by their full names — such as the case of those who are already well known in the media — they should not also identify the specific name of their 12 step recovery group.

If members wish to discuss the benefits of membership in a specific 12 step group, such as Al-Anon or Alcoholics Anonymous, they then should not identify themselves except by first name only.

Why?

Many recovering members have the attitude “When I was drinking, everybody knew I was the town drunk, why should I hide my identity now that I am recovering?”

The answer is, for the good of the fellowship. The example is given of a famous athlete or television personality — a role model for youth — who gets into recovery and announces to the entire world that A.A. has saved his life. What happens if that person relapses? The kids say, “Well, so much for A.A.!”

Through my years in AA I have seen what promotion has done to AA as a whole, it has allowed outsiders to change our message, so many changes that insiders now hear a different message.

Slowly we have replaced “we get better” with “things get better,” we have allowed outside institutions to tell us that it does not matter which 12 step program you go to they are all the same. I got to watch a drug addict die at an AA meeting because alcoholics couldn’t relate to what he was trying to say, they didn’t understand and she died from withdrawal at an AA meeting.

By trying to save the world we are not adhering to our singleness of purpose — one AA helping another AA. Our hearts are in the right place, but as a whole we are doing more harm than good. AA’s early success rate was around 75 percent. Today’s rate has dropped drastically from all the promotion.

On an individual level AA’s seem to forget that we are responsible for being the attractions, by changing our appearance, how we communicate, dress, and conduct ourselves in and out of the rooms of AA. That’s part of carrying the message also, to let people see the difference that this design for living we were given has worked in our life.

When people SEE the four changes in our life — mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual — they are attracted. They need no promotion. This is a program for people who want it. Let’s not let others tell us what they think we are about. Let’s just be ready when the suffering alcoholic is ready to open the door and show him what we are.

Alethea

“There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit.  But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.”

What an incredible promise! This program is full of promises, each step has its own.

When I was first introduced to the steps there seemed to be no flow to them at all. But I had gotten to the point that I knew that if I didn’t jump in and do the rest of the steps that I was going to drink again. I stopped fighting, I stopped struggling.  I surrendered to the reality that this disease was far more powerful than I and that it (alcohol) controlled me, not the other way around.

The actual practice of meditation started when my sponsor suggested that I read pages 86 – 88 in the Big Book. Some quiet time in the morning to start the day, pausing throughout the day, then reflecting on the day in the evening.  This simple discipline was all I could do and not with much regularity!. It was enough to keep the ball rolling. It still amazes me that these steps seem to meet us where we’re at. No matter how much the fog has lifted the spiritual principles gleamed from the utilization of these steps has a powerful effect on us.

I found a couple AA meetings that focused on step eleven. They actually did a 20 minute silent meditation which I found very hard to sit through at first! One meeting gave a very simple technique of focusing on your breath and counting them. This simple focus helped quite my mind from all of its chatter, kind of! I heard it said that if my thoughts wonder a thousand times and I bring them back to my focus point a thousand and one that it was a successful meditation. That helped me realize that I don’t have to ‘do it perfectly’ to gain some benefit.

We’ve all heard that old saying, “Be still and know that I am God.” I began to truly experience Its presence in the stillness of meditation. It was an opening, a clearing of a channel.  At first I was convinced that there wasn’t a God, or at least not one that cared about us as individuals.  Why all the suffering and tragedy in events where it seems like it’s circumstances beyond human control?

What I’ve come to understand is that even that so called ‘suffering’ can be used for good. Every wrecked car, ruined relationship, every time I was sent to jail got me closer to the point of surrendering to that Power Greater than myself.  What I thought were my greatest advances weren’t! And what I thought were my greatest defeats were in fact some of the greatest advances. I do not know what’s best for me! I do trust the process of the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I’ve not only experienced miracles in my own life but I literally see the dead rising and the blind seeing. Those of us that are sober members of this Fellowship are living miracles, living proof that this thing really does work, when it’s worked!

Today I do feel like I belong, I am a part of this amazing Fellowship.  I no longer live in a completely hostile world. I have begun to see that truth, justice, and love are real and eternal things in life. I’m no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds me in purely human affairs. When I turn to Him all is well.

~ The New Yorker Group
48 W Market St , Salt Lake City
Fridays 6:40am