Author: webservant

I was born to be a mother. Thankfully, my higher power gave me the gift of sobriety first. Twenty five years of binge drinking kept me from achieving my heart’s desires. I was 12 years old when I had my first blackout; I was 37 when I had my last. In between my first and last drinks, there were some good times– sipping salty margaritas on exotic beaches; savoring a chardonnay with an amazing dinner in Paris; swigging beers while sailing the Chesapeake Bay. I have those fond memories, but there are many other memories that are not so pleasant. In my early 30’s, I crossed the line from wanting to drink to needing to drink. My weekend binge drinking had become a daily necessity. I needed to drink during the workday, so I drank on my lunch hour. On the days I could not make it out for my “liquid lunch,” I would have the shakes before my workday was through. I had to hit happy hour or a liquor store the moment I walked out of the office. For five long years, I tried unsuccessfully to control my drinking. It was truly a struggle. In those years, I had many more drunken episodes to regret, more friends to apologize to, more excuses to make to my parents, more need to cover my butt at work.

When I finally cried out to God for help, I was walking along my favorite beach on a cold winter’s day but this time there was no salty margarita in my hand. Within a few days, I had what I hope was my last drink of my life, and events unfolded that led me to the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. In my first days of recovery, I met the man who was to become my husband. I soon realized that he was indeed a gift of sobriety, one of many to come my way. Two years later, we were married on Mother’s Day (which fell on my 39th birthday) surrounded by our family, our life-long friends and many new friends from the program. By this time, we were not able to conceive a child. The day we were given this sad news, we decided to proceed with plan B: adoption.

With the support of our family, a close circle of sober friends and a great sponsor, we did all the footwork necessary. The first three Steps and the slogans helped me along the way. When I was sober for five years, our son was born. I was invited into the delivery room to witness his birth. Holding his birth mothers hand, I watched our baby draw his first breath. My husband cut the umbilical cord and was the first to hold our son. We brought our baby boy home on Thanksgiving Day. That was seven years ago. The list of gifts I have received in sobriety is long, but at the top is the family my Higher Power gave to me. I am certain that god knew my desires long before I did. I was born to be a mother-a sober mother.

Suzi W

By the time I arrived at AA I had no doubt that I was an alcoholic. I arrived beaten down and willing to do whatever it took to stay sober. That meant doing the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability (though at the time my brain was so fried they made no sense to me).

So as I got to my first Step Four I was willing to do whatever it took to stay sober—including “making a searching and fearless inventory of myself.” It was a daunting task in my fuzzy mind so my plan was to get it done as fast as possible, while being as thorough as possible, and move on to Step Five, Six, Seven….you get the drift…as fast as possible. I talked to my sponsor many times about getting it done. After agonizing over it the only thing I could do was to stop thinking about it and just do it. It was going to take a lot of trust in HP.

Finally I sat down to what seemed to me a demanding and perplexing task. Oh the anxiety just thinking about facing all the awful things I’d done to others, to myself. Who wants to look at that? And I’d heard so many stories in meetings about how hard it was and how so many people put it off. So I did my best to keep it simple and did it just as it’s laid out in the Big Book.

I had learned that if I wanted recovery and a sober life, and I didn’t know exactly how to go about, it I could act “as if, fake it ‘til you make it.” I concluded that wisdom had to apply here as well. So I acted as if and did the best that I could, hoping as I wrote that I didn’t miss that one character defect or past action that would get me drunk. (Little did in know that more would be revealed and it’s an ongoing process.) And I focused on progress not perfection…well at least I tried to. Instincts and natural desires gone awry, oh yes back then, and today, I can see how those things get me into trouble.

Doing my first Step Four was about willingness to move forward and walk through my fear. I was only really able to see what was in front of me at that time, 23+ years ago, which was probably a good thing. In the end the experience wasn’t profound or earth shattering, I didn’t have a spiritual awakening or land on a pink cloud. The fear of doing it was greater than the reality, the actual putting it all down in black and white. It was just a tremendous relief, and to be honest a sense of accomplishment, something I hadn’t experienced a lot at that time of my life. And what was most surprising to me was that my sponsor, on Step Five, didn’t fall off her chair in horror or laughter after hearing of my defects and antics. Rather she had no grand reaction at all, it was more like, okay good job, heard nothing new, and let’s move on

Step Four is a lifetime practice for me. It is a step when applied to my daily life and relationships has a positive effect on my emotional sobriety. It gets right to the treatment of my spiritual malady, which as the books says is the root of my problem in Step One. When I get that feeling in my gut that things are not right, there’s no avoiding it and I don’t have the luxury of denying it. I drank to get rid of those feelings, that angst. Now I have the tools to address my feelings, understand my actions, and clean up my side of the street. What a gift!

Shannon

“Admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.”

1. Every “natural” instinct cries out against the idea of a personal powerlessness (defects of the thinking mind).

2. We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first step toward liberation and strength (making the admission we are unmanageable by us).

3. Until we have humbled ourselves (accepting the devastating weakness and all its consequences) our sobriety if any will be precarious.

4. The principle: We shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat (that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.

5. We are the victims of a mental obsession, thinking (droning is only a symptom) so subtly powerful that no amount of human willpower could have relived our alcoholism).

6. By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it, we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.

7. Few people will sincerely try to practice the AA program until they have hit their bottom in utter defeat. 8. In order to practice AA’s remaining eleven steps WE MUST ADOPT NEW ATTITUDES AND TAKE NEW ACTIONS.

9. We must become as open minded to conviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be.

Walsh, Brian. “Step 1 A Brief Outline” – taken from 12 Steps and 12 Traditions

All of us in recovery have to deal with various levels of sickness, from the common cold to life-threatening illnesses. One gift of sobriety is having a choice in how we deal with loss of our physical health.

Our story began a few years ago when my husband was diagnosed with a very rare cancer. After a whirlwind of tests and some difficult decision-making, he had surgery and a long, rough regimen of chemo.

Throughout our ordeal, we were often overwhelmed with a gamut of feelings, from fear and anger to sheer defeat. I imagine most cancer patients and their families feel the same. We are, after all, human beings with a finite life here on this earth. Thankfully, though, we had tools we received in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. We placed the outcome in our Higher Power’s hands, worked the steps, and relied on our friends in the rooms. As my husband said, “We’ve beaten one life threatening disease so far, we can handle this one, too!” We are so grateful for our recovery and the rooms of AA. Without them, we are not sure how we would have gotten through his illness. I am happy to report that my husband is NED – “No Evidence of Disease.” Well, cancer anyway. He still has the disease of alcoholism, but that is another story for another day.

Betsy M

“For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.”

In Alcoholic Anonymous there is no such thing as individual authority. No one member “directs” or “controls” the actions of the other members of the group.

Group decisions are just that, group decisions. After a discussion of all aspects of a given situation, including the minority opinion, the group votes on the issue and an agreement is reached with the majority vote. This vote is called a “group conscience.”

Each group is a fellowship of equals. No matter what an individual member’s background, education, or professional expertise, no member has authority “over” the group. In this way, the fellowship reaches out to all who would seek its comfort and provides the atmosphere of a sense of “belonging” to all members.

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/study/a/tradition_two.htm

“Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.”

“Each member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but a small part of a great whole. A.A. must continue to live or most of us will surely die. Hence our common welfare comes first. But individual welfare follows close afterward.”

Our whole A.A. program is securely founded on the principle of humility–that is to say, perspective. Which implies, among other things, that we relate ourselves rightly to God and to our fellows; that we each see ourselves as we really are–“a small part of a great whole.” Seeing our fellows thus, we shall enjoy group harmony. That is why A.A. Tradition can confidently state, “Our common welfare comes first.”

“Does this mean,” some will ask, “that in A.A. the individual doesn’t count too much? Is he to be swallowed up, dominated by the group?”

No, it doesn’t seem to work out that way. Perhaps there is no society on earth more solicitous of personal welfare, more careful to grant the individual the greatest possible liberty of belief and action. Alcoholics Anonymous has no “musts.” Few A.A. groups impose penalties on anyone for non-conformity. We do suggest, but we don’t discipline. Instead, compliance or non-compliance with any principle of A.A. is a matter for the conscience of the individual; he is the judge of his own conduct. Those words of old time, “Judge not”, we observe most literally.

“But”, some will argue, “if A.A. has no authority to govern its individual members or groups, how shall it ever be sure that the common welfare comes  first? How is it possible to be governed without a government? If everyone can do as he pleases, how can you have naught but anarchy”?

The Answer seems to be that we A.A.s cannot really do as we please, though there is no constituted human authority to restrain us. Actually, our common welfare is protected by powerful safeguards. The  moment any action seriously threatens the common welfare, group opinion mobilizes to remind us; our conscience begins to complain. If one persists, he may become so disturbed as to get drunk; alcohol gives him a beating. Group opinion shows him that he is off the beam, his own conscience tells him that he is dead wrong, and, if he goes too far, Barleycorn brings  him real conviction. So it is we learn that in matters deeply affecting the group as a whole , “our common welfare comes first.” Rebellion ceases and cooperation begins because it must; we have disciplined ourselves. Eventually, of course, we operate because we really wish to; we see that without substantial unity there can be no A.A., and without that, without A,A,, there can be little lasting recovery for anyone. We gladly set aside personal ambitions whenever these might harm A.A. we humbly confess that we are but “a small part of a great whole.”

Bill W.

The A.A. Grapevine, December, 1947

How It works…Step 2

When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. This applies, too, to other spiritual expressions which you find in this book. Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with God as we understood Him. Afterward, we found ourselves accepting many things which then seemed entirely out of reach. That was growth, but if we wished to grow we had to begin somewhere. So we used our own conception, however limited it was. We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. “Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?” As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.

Alcoholics Anonymous p.47

Step One A Brief Outline

“Admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable”.

1.Every “natural” instinct cries out against the idea of a personal powerlessness (defects of the thinking mind). 2. We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first step toward liberation and strength (making the admission we are unmanageable by us). 3. Until we have humbled ourselves (accepting the devastating weakness and all its consequences) our sobriety if any will be precarious. 4. The principle: We shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat (that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.  5. We are the victims of a mental obsession, thinking (droning is only a  symptom) so subtly powerful that no amount of human will power could have relived our alcoholism). 6. By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it, we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. 7. Few people will sincerely try to practice the AA program un- til they have hit their bottom in utter defeat. 8. In order to practice AA’s remaining  eleven steps WE MUST ADOPT NEW ATTITUDES AND TAKE NEW ACTIONS. 9. We must become as open minded to conviction and as willing  to listen as the dying can be.

Walsh, Brian.