Author: webservant

In 1983, when loneliness and desperation prodded me to go to more meetings, I discovered the newly formed Friendship Group that still meets Saturday 10 o’clock in the basement of Friendship Manor [thus the origin of the name]. In 1983, Saturday had only two daytime meetings, the Friendship Group and an afternoon 11th step meeting at the Alano Club.
The Friendship Group was like no other. It had been started by residents of the apartment building built for the elderly and disabled.. The group was attended by mainly older women with quality sobriety. There were few men. I was a humble, frightened and motivated student of AA back then, and not the “know it all prick” that I’ve turned into. I bonded with the women who were gracious, patient, encouraging, knowledgeable, and to me surprisingly fascinating. When these older women opened up with their alcoholic adventures, I was flabbergasted. The little lady with the knitting bag told promiscuous stories that embarrassed me, who grew up during the free love 60s. There was May S. a resident of Friendship Manor with 40 years of sobriety, Pat N., born in territorial New Mexico [one of the wisest people I’ve ever known], Kay P. a cornerstone of the group, married to Matt P. who was a “General” of my home group the Men’s Sugarhouse Group. And there were others Beverly H. Mary O., Betty G. and Bonnie P. that were equally as well grounded and had fascinating stories behind their deceptive looks of crocheted sweaters and bifocals.
I am grateful these women took me in. They were educated in the ways of the 12 steps. Even though these women understood the theoretical truths, they insisted on being pragmatic in their approach. Their tradition was to go to the Village Inn for breakfast after the meeting. I invited myself and was welcomed. There, at the café, after the meeting, fellowshipping proved its’ value. These wonderful women were full of applied wisdom but also students of other philosophical thoughts. I was surprised when conversations would include Gurdjieff, Alan Watts, Krishnamurthy, The Hemlock Society, or even Allen Ginsberg. I learned to keep quiet and learn rather than show my ignorance.
As the population of AA grew, the meeting grew and the demographic became more general. Because it had the exclusive Saturday morning time slot, the meeting gained popularity. Years later, a satellite meeting broke off to 8:30 and has proved very popular. Even the 8:30 meeting got so crowded that another one broke off of that and is now on 17th South and 17th East. All of this proves Saturday morning is a delightful time to take in the fellowship. But the traditional taproot is 10 o’clock at Friendship Manor. It is a 12&12 book study meeting that everybody finds valuable in its illumination of the 12 steps.
The grand old heirloom meeting is still dedicated to traditional AA truths and traditions. The regulars are knowledgeable, helpful and anxious for some new players. This summer it is lightly attended and I encourage you to make it a regular part of your Saturday morning like I did for so many years.

Clark P.

I grew up in an alcoholic home with two functional alcoholic parents. This was a traumatic childhood that I can bring into my relationships. My parents would get drunk together every night. My folks drank martinis; I loved the martini olives, and this wet my pallet for alcohol. They would visit with each other, and the only way we could be heard was to interrupt and talk over. This is a terrible habit to bring into work or social settings.
My dad was OCD about cleanliness and terrorized us when we made messes. Mom would say clean up your toys in one minute or daddy will leave home and never come back. My folks introduced me to drinking at seventeen. At home I was a rebel without a clue and broke all of the rules at work as well. I’m no longer in my alcoholic home and do not need to be defensive and aggressive, protective and reactive, apologizing and explaining, and repeating and complaining.
In 2004 I realized I had an allergy to alcohol. I was an addict from the start guzzling codeine cough syrup as a child. At seventeen I attended my first party and argued with the host, and he beat me up. At nineteen I was binge drinking with relatives and became mentally ill but never realized that drinking caused mania.
As a teenager I developed anorexia and bulimia and have had weight issues on and off for years; this was coupled with different psychiatric medications. I had knocked off most drinking in my twenties due to feedback from a psychiatrist boyfriend and never wanting to drink like my parents. I began seeing a psychiatrist who suggested I read the book Adult Children of Alcoholics where in I figured out that I grew up in an alcoholic home.
In my thirties I became mentally ill after drinking with my parents in their home and made a suicide attempt and almost died. I lost everything and spent two years living on welfare and food stamps. I had become disabled and survived on Social Security. When I returned to the workforce, I had impaired memory from benzodiazapines and got sick and had to be hospitalized going off this med. Eventually psych meds became available that enabled me to work again. I discovered an allergy to steroids in my 7th year of sobriety. Any type of steroid makes me manic.
I found a New Age Church where I discovered a Higher Power. I met the man of my dreams and found the ability to work again. I quit smoking in 1999, quit benzodiazepines in 2001, alcohol in 2004, and steroids in 2011.
I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2008 and lost my job due to cognitive impairment. When I got sober in 2004 by working the steps with battle axe AA and Alanon sponsors, the recovery promises came true for me. My life is a whirlwind of acceptance. I can say God is breathing for me, thinking for me, acting for me, standing for me, listening for me, speaking for me, and one with me. I can quiet the mind and have God show me the way. I can pretend that God is saying to me “Yield to me; let me guide you; let me protect you; let me take care of you; let me relax you; let me soothe you; let me heal you, and let me cure you.” I can quiet the mind and have God show me the way. I can focus, concentrate, watch, observe, reflect, notice, and listen. I can look around me and be blessed. I can be soft and slow, loving and giving, balanced, healthy, and faithful.
The recovery promises have come true for me, and the obsession with alcohol has been removed. I am seldom interested in liquor, and if tempted, I recoil from it as if from a hot flame.
Emotional sobriety means not wanting to hurt myself. I can be rid of my “bad girl complex”. When I want to hurt myself, I can say, “Thank you old habit, but I don’t need you anymore.” Pain and mania are not in charge, and I can accept love and love myself.
Perfectionism is a tool to be critical; I can be loving and giving instead. I can “Be still and know I am God” and practice awareness, acceptance, and action. Instead of fear I can change my negative thoughts to positive. I can let go of self-seeking and ask for freedom from self-will. I’m grateful today for the ability to be of service to God and to my fellows. Under God’s care I can pause, slow down, and stand now, walk now, drive now, listen now, speak now, and cognate better today. Amen!
-Pat

“We are average Americans. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain’s table. Unlike the feelings of the ship’s passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.

“The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action”

– Alcoholics Anonymous page 17

And it truly is a fellowship that is indescribably wonderful. At least that’s has been and continues to be my experience. The fourteens International convention held this year in Atlanta Georgia was no exception! 57,000 of my closest and dearest friends gathered over the 4th of July weekend to celebrate AA’s 80th birthday! And what a celebration it was!

The opening celebration on Thursday July 2 started with a flag ceremony. The crowd was electric with excitement as the announcer counted down to the beginning of the weekend event. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 .1 was displayed on the jumbo screens at the Georgia Dome. The crowd cheered as a marching drum band made its way through the capacity filed stadium and on to the stage. 98 countries from all over the world where represented. The first was a Native American, then alphabetically each presenter proudly carried their counties flag out from behind the stage and placed them in their stand on either side of the stage where they stayed throughout the conference. The opening ceremony cumulated with a speaker meeting in which three members of Alcoholics Anonymous shared what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now. The message of hope was strong and prevalent!

There were many more workshops than any one person could go to at once. There literally where at least four or five to choose from at any given time. It was suggested to me to get to the ones I wanted to attend at least a half hour early, which was good advice because the rooms tended to fill up very fast! Our friend Charlie T bought the entire set of recording so they will be available very soon. Saturday’s main meeting is what they call the “old timers” meeting. To be considered an old time you have to have 50 or more years. At that meeting there were 100 people with 50 years or more of sobriety, o in a little section in front of the stage sat over 5,300 years of sobriety! I can’t imagine that, I can’t imagine how much collective sobriety there was with 57,000 of us in the Georgia Dome!!! They drew 12 names from that 100 and each one got 5 minutes to share. I thought for sure they would get up there and say, “Ok boys and girls here’s how you do it . . . .” They didn’t! In fact one guy, I forget his name so I’ll call him Bob. When he got his turn he said, “My name’s Bob and I’m an alcoholic, I’m American / Mexican, except when I was drinking, then I was an Italian.” Then would just laugh and laugh, He said you guys give him the giggles! That’s attraction to me, that’s exactly what I want from this deal, and for the most part that’s exactly what I have. I am Happy, Joyous and Free!

Even with 57,000 of us there at the International and knowing that there are over 2 million members worldwide the thing that really struck me was that it’s still about one alcoholic sharing with another alcoholic. Two people carrying the message of hope, the message that our founders wrote in the first 164 pages of our book. We are so blessed to have this program of recovery, this way of living that really does work.

This year I decided two weeks before the conference to go, I had never attended one before. I’m already making plans for the next one that will be held in Detroit in 2020. I’m planning on renting a condo for the week. Anyone want to come with?

Doug R.

There are so many benefits to this tradition for the alcoholic and for the group and for all AA as a whole. When we first come into AA we were at a bottom – nothing was working for us. Many did not have a job or a place to stay, but most could still find the money for the next drink. We surrendered to the fact that we could no longer drink, because of the price it required of us, and that wasn’t money. So slowly we put in a basket what little we had and began to
acquire a life worth living. It made us responsible for the first time (for many of us) to become a part of taking care of ourselves Many times we look at AAers who have been around awhile who feel they have paid enough dues, and leave the burden of being financially responsible to newcomers who believe in the 7th tradition.

Our co-founders understood they protected this program from outside help, so we would not have to lean on others, otherwise we would not be able to show how an alcoholic who was socially irresponsible came to be responsible. As in most of our other traditions this one also keeps outsiders out of our fellowship that will continue to want to take control, offer new and “improved,” or unrealistic changes to a program. If that were to happen, we would rarely find someone who receives this gift of sobriety.

Alethea H.

I remember I always wanted to be a dad. Growing up I dreamed of having a son of my own one day.  I would teach him how to be a gentleman, play golf, work hard for the things he wants, to always be honest and not to take things for granted. Enjoy life!

When I was younger I thought by the time I had turned 25 I would have a wife, a few kids, a high paying job, so on and so forth. But alcohol and drugs seemed to over rule those aspirations. I struggled with alcohol for 15 years and created a great deal of wreckage along the way. I became very selfish and being responsible for another human being was completely out of the question. I eventually wised up when things got as bad as they did for me. I reached out and found a way with the help of and others and a higher power so I could overcome my addictions. My life changed almost instantly when I got sober. I had hope and acceptance for the first time in a very long time.

I met my loving wife in sobriety. We wed a couple years later and she got pregnant  a few years after that. I was terrified! Was I really going to be a dad? How could I live up to this? Questions I’m sure all soon to be fathers have. As my anxiety grew so did her belly. I would ask other dads things like, “how much did your life change” or “did you have to give up everything you enjoy doing?” Was I really ready to be a father?

August 2013 we had our baby boy. As soon as I saw his face all those questions and fears were erased. It’s something I can’t put into words but I’m sure many know and can relate to the joy of holding a newborn and feeling all its life generating from their tiny body.

I’m positive I couldn’t be the father I am today without sobriety. I enjoy every minute I spend with him. Watching him grow and learn so fast never ceases to amaze me. I’m proud to be a dad and grow older with this beautiful gift of raising children. Don’t get me wrong being a dad isn’t always easy but for me it’s worth it and I credit my sobriety for putting me in a position to be their for my baby boy. I love you son!

Spencer S.

The enigmatic Sixth Step, after the buildup to Step Four and the ceremony of Step Five, seemed lost to me the first time through…and second. Sitting quietly for an hour with nobody watching, nobody timing, nothing to turn in, felt just so anticlimactic. But living sober I’ve learned the gravity of Step Six and that being entirely ready to have God remove my defects of character is not a one ­time act for me but a continuous challenge. So I go on, progress not perfection.

By now I know that alcohol is a dire life or ­death deal for me: I don’t drink or I drink. I now know, too, that if I just don’t drink, I just don’t feel right, like I used to not feel right until I drank. Today, when I know in the pit of my stomach that I am up to no good, then I can ask for God’s help and be willing to let my best bad ideas go.

So am I willing to have God remove all of my defects of character? Yes – let him decide which ones should go, as he knows better than me. I do not have to decipher His strange design for me, just ask for His help, and listen for His answer.

Kevin L.

It was my fourth time going through the steps before I thought I really “got” it on step five.  (By got it, I mean that I felt I finally understood the real objective.)  The first three times were not by any means a waste.  They were like a warm up for the real thing.

As it says in the Big Book, “More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life.  He is very much the actor.  To the outer world he presents his stage character.  This is the one he likes his fellows to see.  He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.”  My life had been spent trying desperately to appear to know everything and always be right.  I wanted people to think I was the smartest, fastest, toughest person in the crowd.  I felt I had to do this to protect myself from being hurt. Honestly admitting to another person that I had made mistakes was a very humbling experience.  To admit that my approach to life had failed, that I wasn’t all that I pretended to be, crumbled all my defenses.

But the gift of step five was that I finally felt like a worker among workers, a garden variety drunk.  I felt that I now truly belonged in the fellowship.  It was a huge relief that I didn’t have to continue to work so hard to appear to be someone I wasn’t.

Toni L.

“Our membership ought to include all who suffer alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.”

This is a sweeping statement indeed; it takes in a lot of territory. Some people might think it too idealistic to be practical. It tells every alcoholic in the world that he may become, and remain, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous so long as he says so. In short, Alcoholics Anonymous has no membership rule.

Why is this so? Our answer is simple and practical. Even in self protection, we do not wish to erect the slightest barrier between ourselves and the brother alcoholic who still suffers. We know that society has been demanding that he conform to its laws and conventions. But the essence of his alcoholic malady is the fact that he has been unable or unwilling to conform either to the laws of man or God. If he is anything, the sick alcoholic is a rebellious nonconformist. How well we understand that; every member of Alcoholics Anonymous was once a rebel himself. Hence we cannot offer to meet him at any half-way mark. We must enter the dark cave where he is and show him that we understand. We realize that he is altogether too weak and confused to jump hurdles. If we raise obstacles, he might stay away and perish. He might be denied his priceless opportunity.

So when he asks, “Are there any conditions?” we joyfully reply, “No, not a one.” When skeptically he comes back saying, “But certainly there must be things that I have to do and believe,” we quickly answer, “In Alcoholics Anonymous there are no musts.” Cynically, perhaps, he then inquires, “What is this all going to cost me?” We are able to laugh and say, “Nothing at all, there are no fees and dues.” Thus, in a brief hour, is our friend disarmed of his suspicion and rebellion. His eyes begin to open on a new world of friendship and understanding. Bankrupt idealist that he has been, his ideal is no longer a dream. After years of lonely search it now stands revealed. The reality of Alcoholics Anonymous bursts upon him. For Alcoholics Anonymous is saying, “We have something priceless to give, if only you will receive.” That is all. But to our new friend, it is everything. Without more ado, he becomes one of us.

Our membership tradition does contain, however, one vitally important qualification. That qualification relates to the use of our name, Alcoholics Anonymous. We believe that any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. Here our purpose is clear and unequivocal. For obvious reasons we wish the name Alcoholics Anonymous to be used only in connection with straight A.A. activities. One can think of no A.A. member who would like, for example, to see the formation of “dry” A.A. groups, “wet” A.A. groups, Republican A.A. groups, Communist A.A. groups. Few, if any, would wish our groups to be designated by religious denominations. We cannot lend the A.A. name, even indirectly to other activities, however worthy. If we do so we shall become hopelessly compromised and divided. We think that A.A. should offer its experience to the whole world for whatever use can be made of it. But not its name. Nothing could be more certain.

Let us of A.A. therefore resolve that we shall always be inclusive, and never exclusive, offering all we have to all men save our title. May all barriers be thus leveled, may our unity thus be preserved. And may God grant us a long life –and a useful one!

Bill W.

The A.A. Grapevine, February, 1948