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Tradition Four

While answering the telephones at Central Office, on several occasions I received a call of this nature: “Group is doing it wrong.  Something has to be done. Call the AA Police.”

Sorry there is no AA Police.

In my home group, on the last meeting of the month, the current chair asks for a  volunteer to chair for the next month.  Several years ago, an individual with about 90 days of sobriety volunteered.  He had shared several times during the previous 3 months.  He always introduced himself as an addict.  He shared that he was a professional in the mental health area. He was intelligent and charismatic.

At his first meeting as chairperson, he rearranged the tables and chairs.  We had around a dozen visitors from a local college in attendance.  Our new chair chose a topic dealing with mental health and them shared with the group that he had never had a drink in his life.  I was appalled.  My group had become a group therapy session.  Something had to be done!

I talked to our group secretary and our GSR.  I called for a business meeting, during which I brought pamphlets like “An AA Group” “Information on AA” and books like “The AA Service Manual.” I had marked these with markers to underline the important points.

A debate occurred and no decision was made.  The group was divided.  Our chairperson continued to chair for 3 weeks; the debate continued.  At the end of the month, we were asked for a volunteer to chair the meeting for the next month.  An old timer raised his hand.  The following week she shared her experience, strength, and hope in dealing with her alcoholism.  We were an AA group again.

Tradition Four deals with a group’s right to be wrong.  Bill W. wrote about it in “The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.” Tradition 4 contains AA’s only rule; Rule #62: “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously!”

For a good read, a dose of AA history, and the rest of the story behind Rule #62, check out Tradition Four from the 12×12.

-Ron K.

Step Four Myth Buster

Myth #1 “Writing a 4th step takes a Long Time.”

I began my first 4th step with gusto, and then proceeded to ignore it for 3 months.  Whenever someone would ask what step I was on I would tell them step 4 and then make a very sincere face implying, “And you know how hard that is.” I was trying to make a marriage work that had been severely damaged by my alcoholism.  I was a mother to a 3 year old little spitfire.  I complained of that anxiety we suffer from early in sobriety.  Deep down I knew the truth, I wasn’t really writing my 4th step.  When that situation became painful enough, I committed to writing for at least 20 minutes every morning, and it was done in 10 days.

Myth #2 “I already know what it’s gonna say anyway.”

The Big Book says writing an inventory is a fact finding and a fact facing process.  This means I actually don’t know what it is going to say before I write it.  It is an effort to discover the truth.  When I wrote about my sister who is a heroin addict, I thought I knew exactly where she was wrong.  It’s not hard to find fault in a junkie.  However by the end, I was writing with teary eyes, because I realized I was guilty of the same stuff I had condemned her for.  She approached me with her dark sunglasses and slurring words.  I greeted her with arms folded across my chest and the word “No” at the tip of my tongue, just waiting for her to ask me for money.  I was scared of her and she was scared of me.  Had I not asked myself, “Where am I selfish, dishonest or afraid?” I would have continued to shut her out, believing it was all her fault.

Myth #3 “I am entitled to postpone writing my 4th step because I am too fragile to look at that stuff right now.”

I don’t know where this attitude comes from.  Because I was serious about recovery, it was not enough for me to sit in meetings and ride the fellowship wave.  I was motivated to take the steps because I was fragile, because my reality was nearly unbearable.  We do each other a disservice when we cottle one another.  Our unity comes from faith in a common solution.  On page 64 directly after the third step prayer it says, “Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.”

-Sarah K

The Twelve Traditions A Distillation of A.A. Experience (excerpt)

As newcomers, many of us say to ourselves, “Let the group officers worry about the Traditions. I’m just an average member. They’re rules for running groups, aren’t they? And everybody tells me, ‘There are no rules in A.A.’!” Then we look closer—and find that the Traditions are not rules—and they are not just for officers. They have deep meaning for each one of us, as the Twelve Steps do. Like the Steps, the Traditions were not figured out in advance, as courses of action against future problems. The action came first. Pioneer A.A. groups, with nothing to go on except the trial-and-error-and-try-again method, soon discovered: “Well, that way didn’t work. But the other one did. And this one works even better!” Both successes and failures were reported in letters to A.A. headquarters (eventually to become the General Service Office). In went these shared experiences of A.A.’s first ten years, and out came the Twelve Traditions. In 1946, then in the “long form,” they were published in the A.A. Grapevine. By 1950, they had been condensed to their present form and were adopted by A.A.’s First International Convention. “Our Traditions are a guide to better ways of working and living,” co-founder Bill W. said. “And they are to group survival what A.A.’s Twelve Steps are to each member’s sobriety and peace of mind…. Most individuals cannot recover unless there is a group. The group must survive or the individual will not.”…

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/aa-literature/p-43-the-twelve-traditions-illustrated

Copyright © Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

(Excerpts) Published in 1941, this marks a high light in A.A. history. It sparked the first great surge of interest in A.A.

THREE MEN sat around the bed of an alcoholic patient in the psychopathic ward of Philadelphia General Hospital one afternoon a few weeks ago. The man in the bed, who was a complete stranger to them, had the drawn and slightly stupid look the inebriates get while being defogged after a bender. The only thing that was noteworthy about the callers, except for the obvious contrast between their well-groomed appearances and that of the patient, was the fact that each had been through the defogging process many times himself. They were members of Alcoholics Anonymous, a band of ex-problem drinkers who make an avocation of helping other alcoholics to beat the liquor habit.

THEY MADE it plain that if he actually wanted to stop drinking, they would leave their work or get up in the middle of the night to hurry to where he was. If he did not choose to call, that would be the end of it. The members of Alcoholics Anonymous do not pursue or coddle a malingering prospect, and they know the strange tricks of the alcoholic as a reformed swindler knows the art of bamboozling.

THERE IS no specious excuse for drinking which the troubleshooters of Alcoholics Anonymous have not heard or used themselves. When one of their prospects hands them a rationalization for getting soused, they match it with a half a dozen out of their own experience. This upsets him a little, and he gets defensive. He looks at their neat clothing and smoothly shaved faces and charges them with being goody-goodies who don’t know what it is to struggle with drink. They reply by relating their own stories: the double Scotches and brandies before breakfast; the vague feeling of discomfort which precedes a drinking bout; the awakening from a spree without being able to account for the actions of several days and the haunting fear that possibly they had run down someone with their automobiles.

MANY DOCTORS and staffs of institutions throughout the country now suggest Alcoholics Anonymous to their drinking patients. In some towns, the courts and probation officers cooperate with the local group. In a few city psychopathic divisions, the workers of Alcoholics Anonymous are accorded the same visiting privileges as staff members. Philadelphia General is one of these. Dr. John F. Stouffer, the chief psychiatrist, says: “the alcoholics we get here are mostly those who cannot afford private treatment, and this is by far the greatest thing we have ever been able to offer them. Even among those who occasionally land back in here again, we observe a profound change in personality. You would hardly recognize them” cont…

Copyright © Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/aa-literature/p-12-the-jack-alexander-article-about-aa

My Story
Becoming an alcoholic at age 13 was pretty easy, after all I did have a rough start in life. I didn’t have money or fancy clothes, I shopped at the Salvation Army and was always made fun of for being ugly or poor and I was never any good at sports. My father abandoned me, my sister and mother when I was 3 years old. I hated him for that and I always swore that I would never be like him because he was a drunk. I also had major resentment for my stepfather. Life was hard, and it was easy to become an alcoholic.

So my first drinking experience at age 13 was in a bar that my uncle owned in Idaho. My uncle was moving out and we were invited to help. After the move there was beer left in a keg so my uncle started pouring schooners for the grown-ups, then my uncle turned to my mom and said is it ok if skip has one? My mother told him yes and there is begun. Wow, wow and double wow! I was like a kid in a

candy store! I remember taking the beer and drinking it rather fast, then something great happened, all of the previous mentioned issues disappeared and even though I threw up, blacked out and got sick again, I drank more!

And that my dear friends characterized my drinking until my last drink in July 1975. After countless vain attempts to stop drinking I was allowed to attend a two week outpatient program the Navy offered. The only drawback was I had to attend AA everyday! My life was over because I knew that AA was the place where old drunks went to die. So like a man facing the gallows, I trudged into my first meeting. I noticed however that people weren’t dying, they were laughing and living. All I heard my first meeting was mumble mumble mumble, but I went back the next night and I heard a little more. By the fourth meeting I was taken to AA like a duck takes to water. From that point on I have not found it necessary to take another drink.

I have been through adversities including the death of my spouse of 51 years and thanks to the twelve steps and twelve traditions of AA, I remain sober. When I have drunk dreams, I consider it a spiritual awakening. Standing in front of the beer cooler looking at the different beers, I take it as a further acknowledgment of the fact that I am an alcoholic! (I don’t know normal drinkers that do that). I attend two meetings, the one I want to and the one I don’t want to! I don’t take sobriety for granted! I’m an old timer that believes the further I get away from my last drink, the closer I am to my next one! How did I get here? Through great sponsorship. You see I was never told to find a sponsor, I was told I am your sponsor! Thank God for Frenchy who sent me on a path of meetings, book studies, cleaning up after meetings, greeting at the door etc. I did those things because he did those things also when he was in my shoes. So, if I did those things then I had a chance at sobriety!

I cannot express enough the importance of sponsorship, one drunk talking to another! “If you don’t give this program away you won’t keep it” I’ve seen it time and time again with people who do not share it and they just disappear. At meetings when they call for an AA related announcement, I say my name is Skip and I’m alcoholic. This is for the newcomers that stood up and those that didn’t, if you are serious about your sobriety and do not have a sponsor, you come see me and we’re going to get you hooked up! Do not think you can do this on your own because trust me, it doesn’t work! This is a WE program! I believe there is nothing that accelerates a recovery more than working with others. You owe it to yourself to sponsor and not let the new person slip away.

–Skip L

My name is Joy D. and I am an alcoholic.

When I became a member of AA on February 28, 1986, it changed my life. The willingness to trust in a higher power greater than myself has led me to continue to move forward in a positive way.  The Big Book, Twelve Steps, and Principles of AA are all progressive tools in changing my life.  To attend meetings, working with others and service work are essential to a lifetime commitment of keeping balanced and staying sober.

On August 31, 2015, I moved to SLC to begin a new adventure.  Utah offers an abundance of beauty.  The AA meetings are awesome, and the people I have met are wonderful.

On January 12, 2016, I attended an AA Central Office meeting, and was asked to step in as the Outreach Chair.  I am very grateful for this position, as it will give me an opportunity to attend group meetings in different districts and inform them of Central Office’s function of service.  At this time, I have three volunteers willing to serve on the Outreach committee.  I look forward to meeting more volunteers at the March 8, 2016 Central Office meeting at 6:30 p.m.  Thank you for your service.

“LIFE”

LIFE IS LIKE A BREATH OF SPRING WHEN FLOWERS BEGIN TO BLOSSOM AND UNFOLD.  THE SURROUNDINGS MAN CANNOT MOLD.

TO FEEL, TOUCH, LISTEN, LOVE AND LEARN, ARE LESSONS I HAVE EARNED

LIFE IS ALL OF THIS TO ME, TO BE CONTENT AND FREE

Love is the answer, now what was the question?!!

On May 31, 2015, I met a man for coffee at Starbucks that I had met on-line.  Yes, on-line dating!  At my age?  What?  Well, why not?!!  I had just re-entered my Utah lifeon May 1st from living in California for a project the past year, commuting back and forth as I have for so many years.

That coffee date lasted for 2 1/2 hours. I listened to him tell me about his life. I had convinced myself to tell him about myself, and my sobriety. I was a little scared at first, and thought it would be a “deal breaker”.  The time flew by, and we were both surprised how long we had been there. We agreed to call and go out again.

Skeptical at first, I went home thinking that may not happen, but there was something about him that was different.  He texted later, called, we made a lunch date two days later, laughed and talked some more.  We continued to have lunch, dinner, take long rides and stop for sushi or BBQ or whatever we wanted to, kissed goodnight and made plans to meet for breakfast.  We held hands, we talked about our lives, we enjoyed the music, and the era we grew up in, our childhoods. We were thoughtful with each other.  We had fun!  We started cooking together, making green smoothies in the morning and swimming before work.  He was pleasantly surprised about my zest for swimming to stay active with my knee recuperation, and didn’t let on that he was a PRO until we were swimming with my grandsons much later on!!

I began to trust him and feel comfortable sharing my life, my heart and my space. He is a committed, selective, thoughtful, compassionate, strong and funny man.  He didn’t want a fly by night relationship.  He is present, has direct eye contact, and believes in connection with one other person.   He has attended many AA meetings with me and has fun with our friends.

On New Year’s Eve he asked me to marry him at the stroke of midnight, and of course I said “yes”, and I’m so excited!  We have met each other’s families and our kids have given their blessing!

I’m so grateful to God and my sobriety to be experiencing this at this time of my life.  I have become softer, and more loving to those around me.  I feel loved and cared for.  It was worth every single minute of whatever it was that brought us here; for our life experiences, for the tears and joy of a lifetime.

—Rebecca R

Home Groups – That Sufficient Substitute by Pete G.

On page 166 of the 75th Anniversary Reprint of the First Edition, our wonderful pioneers wrote of a sufficient substitute.  That substitute is the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I have come to understand that being a Home Group Member and participating in Home Group activities is precisely what they were referring to as a suitable substitute.

I do not believe we can talk about Home Groups enough.  On pages 166 and 167 of the 75th Anniversary Reprint of the First Edition, we are told of how and where to find these future friends and what to expect of them.  We find these ‘future fellows’ in our own community which is where the Home Group is totally effective.  Sobriety begins at the Home Group level.

The Big Book goes on to describe what to expect from a Home Group.  It promises that it is here that you will make lifelong friends, being bound to them with new and wonderful ties.  To have friends by which you escape disaster and trudge shoulder to shoulder on your common journey is a Promise fulfilled as a Home Group member.

My first Home Group was a humble group of alcoholics that gathered nightly in an isolated community.  There were literally one hundred or more bars, liquor stores, grocery stores and convenience stores between this group and the next closest meeting. The question whether to become a part of this common solution or try to face my alcoholism alone really was not that much of a decision. The Home Group is where I found strength to face my alcoholism began

The Program of Alcoholics Anonymous is not so much in the dry parchment of the thousands of pages of AA literature. That is simply a written reference.  My experience suggests that the Program that saved my life and made it worthwhile is alive in the members of a Home Group.

Each member invests themselves into and makes a draw from the group- much like a cell simultaneously supports and is supported by the host in which it is attached to.  Books, pamphlets or E-readers have never cried or laughed – especially in the same breath.  An hour of honesty and compassion can be exponentially more persistent and durable than an hour of

Home Groups provide living, breathing, crying, cursing, laughing, shouting, caring and humble examples of sober living.  Through the process of communion with others, the ‘suggestions’ become habits.  Like ancient languages, many vital principals simply never make it to printed form – being passed on through generations of alcoholics by word of mouth and example.

One of our most effective methods of teaching and helping other alcoholics involves living examples and sound guidance.  Home Groups provide guidance and examples to instill the Principles. Guidance on 13th Stepping  is followed up with supplying the newcomer with a contact list of suitable members who will not take advantage of them.  Guidance on Anonymity is reinforced by the examples of the Home Group members both inside and outside of the meeting rooms.  Guidance on Sober Living is reinforced with the example of service to others.

Guidance on Respect for others is reinforced by the example of turning off your cell phone.  Guidance on Supporting AA as a whole is reinforced by the example of purchasing AA literature with 7th Tradition contributions.  Guidance on Change is reinforced by the examples of Informed Group Consciences, Substantial Unanimity and Minority Appeal.

Just like becoming a member of AA, you are a Home Group Member if you say you are and begin to be of service to your Home Group.  Be a greeter, make the coffee, chair a meeting, clean up the meeting room and give of yourself so that others may live.

To adapt a common parable …’ Give an alcoholic a Big Book and keep them sober for an hour.  Teach them to live sober and they will be sober for a lifetime … and pass it on to others.’