Author: webservant

My story is like most of the people I see in these rooms. The only difference from us and the normal A.A. rooms is that we are currently incarcerated.

I started my road to this place 40 yrs ago. I was being abused physically by my step-father, so at 8 I tried to kill myself with alcohol. I drank 2 fifths of Irish whiskey straight in 10 minutes. They had to pump my stomach and put me in the shower and pour coffee down my throat for like 20 hrs. straight. I woke up a couple of days later and told my mother that no I hadn’t drank the night before (not knowing what had happened).

After that I was a pretty good kid but still had an addictive personality, so by 16 I was introduced to marijuana, amphetamines, and cocaine. For the next 12 yrs, I used cocaine daily mostly.

I got married and had a lovely daughter and got divorced. Got into trouble with the law and yet had a career as an automotive mechanic. My mother died of alcohol in 1996 and my grandmother died in 2003. When my mom died I went off the hook, but not so bad that I couldn’t keep my life functional. I had regained a wife, had 3 boys added to my life and obtained another automotive business, this time making it through and it became very lucrative.

Yet, something was always missing and I always had to toy with the wild side. So, just like my first marriage, I was living a double life, one where I could work and be a good dad. Yet, the other a game playing methamphetamine addict. I could get up at 5 am, get the kids ready for school, take them to the sitters or the day care and go to my shop, meet my wife at the bar she worked at for lunch, go pick the kids up form school, take them back to daycare and go back to work till midnight or 2 am, which gave me enough time to do drugs and fix cars. Being ADHD like I am, the meth or coke would let me focus, and I could work, yet I would isolate after hours at the shop.

When my grandmother died I lost all ability to control my wanting to not feel anything and I isolated totally. Hence, I needed more drugs. What better way than to make them and what better spot to cover the process up than an auto shop. (Not my brightest move!) Well needless to say it didn’t go well from there. In the next 2 yrs I was getting divorced, on my way to state prison, and running a muck. Then some friends stepped in to help me. The Feds!! They sent me to federal prison, Victorville, and a few others, and I was there for a long time. 9 yrs straight.

But I started doing A.A. there, and started really getting the message again that I had forgotten so long ago. That I am not alone and I can’t do this alone. Well, I went back and forth in and out and got terminated from the feds, and thought I would be good, all I had to do was not do crime. I could use, just not do crime. (That worked well, let me tell you!) One feeds the other.

It took a while but it brought me back to prison. But, really it’s a blessing in disguise cuz since being here I have decided to give 110% to the program of A.A. and into a program I would like to call, save James. The reason I would like to call it that is because for the first time in my 49 yrs of life I am totally doing something because it’s what I want to do. I know that my life is so much better today than it has been in the past and it’s because of A.A. and the friendships with the people that care about me. And my higher power and most of all myself. I hope to have the people that I care most about in my life back in my life one day from showing them the man I am because of A.A. So with that I will take another 24!

-James M

One of the ways I grow in recovery is by attending conferences, which I did this February when I participated in the International Women’s Conference in Phoenix, Arizona. It was very empowering to be with 3,600 women in sobriety count down and connect with each other through our experiences. The workshops and speakers were amazing, and going with a close friend wasn’t necessary as we all felt close and connected. Although it wasn’t possible to attend all the workshops offered, it was nice to connect with others at the end of the day and share our favorite messages which we called WIH or “What I Heard”. With so many women, there is a lot to do and so much wisdom to absorb. The optional banquet was paired with powerful speakers who delivered inspiring messages in the spirit of our primary purpose. The meeting continues at the dinner table. This is an experience you must not miss.

-Shelley E.

My journey to the Pacific Region Alcoholics Anonymous Service Assembly (PRAASA) commenced with irritation and foul language under my breath as the rental car dealership explained their inventory did not include the vehicle I had reserved. With misgiving, I accepted their offer to give me a free upgrade to a four wheel drive luxury vehicle, deciding I may as well make the best of what I perceived to be a bad situation.

I was on the Interstate shortly thereafter, bound for Reno, Nevada. West of Wendover, at the base of Pequop Pass, I encountered what I had been warned about prior to my departure: the worst snowstorm of the season. I planted the wheels of my rental car squarely into the treads formed by the semi in front of me and found myself traversing the terrain with relative ease, comparable to the two wheel drive vehicles sliding all over the road. It was at that moment I realized my higher power–once again–knows what is best for me better than I do. Had the rental car company produced the vehicle I had reserved, I would not be safely–albeit slowly–travelling in a four wheel drive. All I could do was smile to myself.

Upon arriving at the Casino in which PRAASA was held, I proceeded to the registration desk where I was greeted by the pleasant faces of the many friends I’ve made in general service. I immediately felt right at …home. As a relatively young man in Alcoholics Anonymous, I was delighted to see a respectable amount of other young people invested in the service structure of our fellowship because it gives me hope for the future. That evening, I attended the first of two round table discussions on both cooperation with the professional community and young people in AA where I gleaned new suggestions on how to better carry the message to our professionals and youth. Debate and disagreement are the essence of round table discussions so that competing and converging ideas yield the best pathway forward, which is ultimately in God’s hands. Once the business of AA had wrapped up, with Rule 62 foremost in my thoughts, it was time to hit the blackjack table before retiring for the evening. Reno or bust, indeed.

Saturday’s panel discussions and open mic time slots were the highlight of my first PRAASA experience because the general service structure of Alcoholics Anonymous does not evade controversy or new perspectives, but instead directly confronts them. For instance, I was until this point unaware of a growing number of alcoholics who have lobbied for a pamphlet aimed at our atheist and agnostic members so as to ensure they are not dissuaded on the program based on its frequent use of the word “God”. Perhaps the most emotionally fulfilling moment of open mic time was when a young Navajo woman tearfully expressed her joy and appreciation for the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous being played to all of us in her native tongue. I was hard-pressed to find a dry eye throughout the assembly hall.

Now, a word on the contentious issue with which I was faced. To my dismay, but not to my surprise considering the geographic area in which our region is located, I discovered a serious effort to offer “alternative versions” of the first 164 pages of our basic text because–according to some–it is not progressive or forward-thinking in its content. The argument was that if a young newcomer picked up a Big Book, he or she might take offense if said person is a woman, homosexual, employer, or any other number of minority groups. After listening to what I determined were nonsensical arguments, I felt inspired to approach the microphone so that I might share my own experience and thoughts on the subject. Unfortunately, our time was cut directly after the person next in line from me concluded her thoughts. So, I will share with you–the local reader–what I intended to say at PRAASA because my feelings have not changed in the slightest.

I don’t believe in tribalism. In other words, I don’t believe in separating us into different “types” of alcoholics. We are not straight alcoholics, gay alcoholics, white alcoholics, black alcoholics, male alcoholics, or female alcoholics; We are all alcoholics. We have suffered the same affliction, and we seek the exact same solution. As a so-called young person in AA, I can tell you with conviction the information contained in the first 164 pages of our book got me sober, as it has done for millions of others. So, I have no desire to change the Big Book or offer alternate versions because the Big Book changed me. I left PRAASA with a burning passion to carry the message of our program, as it currently stands, to as many alcoholics who are ready to listen.

Yours in Service, Shilo P,GSR of the South Enders Group