Willingness – Justin M_Aug 2019

It all started when I was just a child. First I was born with F.A.S. so I was kinda screwed from the beginning. Growing up at a young age I always thought it was normal to see bottles, syringes and pipes all over the house. I thought it was normal to get beat by my father as much as I did. At age 12 I drank alcohol for the first time and used meth and heroin for the first time. As I grew older I was in and out of Juvenal placements. O&A, Clorinda, Glenn Mills, group homes, wilderness programs, proctor homes, all over the place. I was extremely out of control, drinking and getting high the whole way through. The state took me away from my family at a young age, and I’d run from everywhere. I’d rather live on the streets then let people get close to me.

When I turned 16, two weeks after that to be exact, I rolled my car under the influence, thinking it was ok to drive. The awful thing is, as I was thrown from the car unconscious, my best friend was still in the car. She couldn’t get her seat belt off, was wearing a choker chain, and had an asthma attack and died. I was charged with vehicular homicide and placed in a Juvenal prison called Decker Lake Facility. I spent about 6 months there, then escaped through the roof. I was picked up 3 weeks later, certified as an adult, and went to the old Metro Jail. I was released from there on probation which only lasted 3 months. I went out and was strung out on meth, heroin and alcohol. So now I’m almost 17 and very strung out, not caring about nobody, not even myself. My girlfriend at the time is pregnant and I’m far from being responsible. I’m out robbing people, doing burglaries, then I got robbed for a lot of drugs one night. I went out and found that person, a fight broke out, and I ended up killing this person.
So when I finally was arrested I had multiple upon multiple charges. I finally pled to two 1st degrees for armed robbery, one 2nd degree for manslaughter, one 2nd degree for burglary and one 3rd degree for assault. I came to prison at age 17 in 1998. I didn’t leave prison for the first time on my first parole until 2014. 16.5 years straight. I got out and met my son for the first time, was way overwhelmed, started to relapse and came back to prison on a violation. I did a few months and was released again.

Now at this time my father passed away. All I have is my mom, she was the only one to talk to me and keep giving me a home to parole to. I was released six more times, every time getting out and repeating history. This last time only lasted four weeks. Now at this time I’ve expired my 0-5 and both 1-15s, so now I’m just on my consecutive 1st degrees. Well, I get with this female in this four weeks, and my mother passes away in this time. I lose my address and go off the deep end. While using drugs and alcohol some stuff allegedly happened at my job.

I’m still fighting these charges but I’m being charged with one 1st degree for aggravated burglary, one 3rd degree for aggravated assault, one 3rd degree for possession of a firearm by a restricted person and two class b misdemeanors for burglary tools. So, now I’m looking at doing at least 20 more years unless I can beat some of these charges down. I’ve lost everything. My mom, my family, my house and there is a female who says she is pregnant. All for what? For nothing but an addiction. When is enough enough? So at this point I figure something has to change at 39 and losing everything, not knowing if I’m getting back out of prison or not, and doing this all by myself. I don’t have no one or nothing, just myself.

Now I’m blessed to be able to come to this A.A. meeting. I’ve always heard how this program can help people, so now it’s my turn to get some help. I’m an addict and I realize now that it’s time for me to give in and get help! That’s the first step right? Admitting that I have a problem. So I’m here opening up to whomever will listen and to whoever wants to help me. This is the first time I’ve ever opened up and spoke about any of this. I heard a quote the other day that really stuck with me, it states, “God says to love thy enemy, so I obeyed and began to love myself.” I really like that. We are our own worst enemies, so I want everyone to know if I can do this, and want to change, then everyone can do it as long as they really want to. And with that I will take another 24.
-Justin M.

1 comment on “Willingness – Justin M_Aug 2019”

  1. Roger T. Reply

    Hang in there Justin. I didn’t get sober till I was 60. Been drinking and drugging since I was 12. Made it 20 months and relapsed. I now have a sober date of June 25 2019. I was in a sister fellowship before but in detox I opened the big book. Has changed my life. Going to meetings every day and working the steps. You can do this! If no one has told you they love you…I do Your day will come if you work the program.

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