Poetry Behind Bars – Sam M. K._June 2019

FOR more than thirty years
I’ve stayed and played
Behind the walls of denial
For three decades enslaved
Now that’s quite a while
It was denial self will and
Indulgence in false pride
I couldn’t face reality
So I’d use the dope to hide
I couldn’t/wouldn’t admit
That I was sick…..
So I’d smoke me a dub
Hard fast and quick
To hell with some love
I need my fix
Who was at fault
Well, I didn’t blame myself
I didn’t have any self respect
I didn’t respect anyone else
I lost my business, jobs, money homes
One day I look around
My whole family was gone
You think that I quit
Nope! I was too full of greed
You see, I thought smoking crack
Could fulfill my needs
Whether broke, busted, disgusted
Simply feeling under loved
My solution to any problem
Was to smoke another dub

With no home, no phone, no job
No money or even a car
Acting and performing
Doing things alarming
I became a euphoric rock star
Tweeking and geeking
Running hard, cooking
Gunning and playing tough
Slept under a bridge
A few nights when it rained
Man! Now that was rough
Not a soul could I trust
A child woman or man
But get mine I must
And I aways had a plan
Then there was violence
As smoking causes strife
A fool pulled a pistol
And threatened my life
Another day I was busted
I went straight to jail
I realized my own demise
I’d created my own hell
You see, I’d started to smoke
Because I couldn’t cope
In the beginning it was good
But then I learned why
Dope is called dope

I kept smoking and smoking
Trying to find some hope
Committing slow suicide
Without using a gun or a rope
Tweeking and geeking
Running hard day and night
Committing all sorts of wrongs
Justifying them to be right
Grinding hard to live large
As my l life fell through crack
Now I own an addiction
With puff dragon
Breathing at my back
You see, I thought that
I was a player
But euphoria played me
She chained me to addiction
So I’dll never be free
But I’ve finally awakened
From my ghoulish pipe dream
One day at a time
Is the theme to my
New clean scheme……

Sam M. K.
I am Sam I am
Wasatch Facility
Utah State Prison

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