Adversity Exposes My Character Defects – Marsha_July

My little brother Eddie called me and told me that a couple of days ago. He heard Gods voice, that voice told him to go to church, to stop drinking, to stop smoking, and start serving him, as his time on this earth was short. I was shocked, and amazed. My brother has been drinking alcoholically since the age of 12, has made no attempts to stop, has a history of 10 DUI’s, has given up all activity in his life, to drink his 30 pack of beers each and every day, for the last 46 years of his life. His smoking was just as extreme, the doctors told him, years ago, after our dad passed away from untreated alcoholism and emphysema, to stop smoking, or he would meet the same fate. In that same phone call he told me he listened to that voice, went to a church down the street from where he lived, had stopped drinking, was three months sober, and had stopped smoking. For this alcoholic, it was a miracle, and an answer to my prayers. I reassured him that he was on the right path, that I was happy for him, that I was here to support him anyway that I could, and that I would keep him in my prayers. I asked him if he attended Alcoholics Anonymous, and he reported, “Nope, all I need is God.” I told him I understood, and that God was the foundation of my recovery. Two months later, I received another call from him. This call was harder to hear, he told me that the doctors had found a tumor on his jaw bone, it had been there for several years, and that the biopsy had come back as, stage four lymphoma cancer. In the eighteen years of my recovery, in Alcoholics Anonymous, I have heard a lot of cases like he was speaking of, have seen the miracles that God has presided over, so my quick response was, “I think this is why God got you sober, so you could walk though this sober.” He agreed, I asked him about his prognosis for recovery, he reported that the doctors told him he had a 40% chance of making it five years, after the surgery, receiving radiation, and chemo. We were able to have a conversation about his thoughts about death, his beliefs in God, and his response was, “Sis, I am good with death, I know that I will be with Jesus on the other side, and I am so happy that I went back to church, so I could connect with him again. I will see you there to if I go before you.” We talked about his surgery in a week, how my other family was able to support him, that I wanted to be by his side for his surgery but my finances did not allow me to be there, he said that he understood, but my mind made up a story about all the negative things he must be thinking about me right now. I was unable to drop what I was doing to be there for him, and I was bashing myself good. I immediately called my sponsor, I shared the update on his story of recovery, and how I was feeling, overwhelmed, powerless, guilty, and shameful that I could not be there. I spoke with her about my greatest fear, losing what I have, or not get what I want, and I needed God to take this from me, NOW. My sponsor reminded me that God is the solution to all my problems today, and asked, was I willing to surrender all of this to him? I said, “Yes, but this is one of the hardest things I have walked through in my recovery, and I see that God is the only way through this.” So I did what I knew to do, I prayed, then prayed some more, I ask others to pray for my brother and my family, and then trusted that God has this all under control. Hardest thing EVER, but as I continued to surrender this to God, who has all power, I started to come to terms with the situation. I accepted that I was powerless and that my life was unmanageable. I love how no matter what is going on in my life the Steps are the way back to letting God run the show. For me the final surrender is the best, it is that place of totally knowing that I have done all that I can, that the who’s, what’s, when’s, where’s and why’s of any situation have nothing to do with me, and I let God take the wheel. I received the call, that night of May the 10th, that my brother was doing well, and I could finally sleep knowing that he was on the other side of the surgery. The miracles did not stop there, the pathology report came back NO cancer in his lymphoid, or bone, and he will need radiation and chemo for the cancer in his muscle. I will let you decide how that happened. I’ve me up my mind, Thank you God! -Marsha

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