Step #3…my experience with step 3 goes something like this, there is a God (HP) and its not me – Never has been! I might have believed it once or twice but today I’m convinced it is in no way shape or form me! I’ve been sober for 31 years and believe me I have spent mucho time in what my sponsor calls “Spiritual Wilderness” where I had no feeling of my God’s presence…. a very lonely – dark kinda place!
Today I know that my God never leaves me, it’s my defects that separate me from God, you and eventually myself.
OK….This is not to everyone’s liking but has worked fabulously for me! My sponsor told me that in the 3rd step we enter into a partnership with our higher power. That God has his (or Her) responsibilities and I have mine! Also that God is ALWAYS bringing it! The rub is me! See its easy for me when things are going well to feel grateful, participate in recovery, etc. It’s when my defects – yes they have been greatly reduced over the years but they still can raise their ugly head – arise that I can have problems participating in my partnership. Fear – self pity – anger…Those self absorbing traits that still lay deep inside can take me out of a shared experience with my God, then I’m back to that very lonely – dark kinda place. I find through practice, prayer and sharing that this gets better.
I have a routine that I am getting really good at in the morning of consciously communicating with God about the days events about to unfold. I ask to be relieved “Of The Bondage of Self”, that I live this day according to what He would have me do! I ask for help with accepting what transpires today, that its all happening just the way it’s supposed to. Even if I don’t like it! That I am loved beyond my mortal thinking by that same God. A wise man in AA once said “It’s in the constant seeking” that life changes for the better.