Hello friends of the Fellowship, I’m a happy member of the Acceptance group of A.A. I’m thrilled to be living sober and serving as a part of this miracle we call Alcoholics Anonymous. I was asked to share my experience, strength, and hope regarding step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable. Here’s how it happened for me.
I tried alcohol when I was ten years old. Some friends and I got into his mother’s liquor that she had under the sink. It was vodka and whiskey. I can’t remember everything that happened, but I recall laughing a lot while talking with a religious leader who rarely laughed. At 13 I found a bottle of whiskey left over from a party that I hid in my drawer. Again, I can’t remember everything that happened, but I recall laughing, jumping around on my bed, falling down a lot, and waking up, naked and bruised. 14-17 was a lot of alcohol, weed, laughing and jumping around, more nakedness, more bruises, cops, handcuffs, upset parents, more drinking, more cops, more upset parents, some legal fees, and then some sobriety while I did some service for the popular religious organization in Utah.
I returned from my religious service in a foreign land believing that I would live happily ever after, but that didn’t happen. My curiosity found alcohol again. I was without defense. I took one drink, and it turned into thousands thereafter. Again, there was the laughter, jumping around, nakedness, bruises, close calls with the cops, upset parents, bars, parties etc. . . It was during this time that I found the courage to look inside myself and see that I was homosexual, and that the religion I was raised with was not the one for me. That was a painful experience filled with tears and mixed emotions. My understanding of life, God, and happiness twisted and shattered. Alcohol consumed me. I drank, I partied, I raved, I sobbed in anger, bitterness, and sorrow. Then there was a deep emptiness. I would drink and laugh at parties, but inside I felt so far away – so alone. I would wake up in the night drunk and crying not knowing why I was crying. There was no joy left in drinking.
I couldn’t stop drinking. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. This perplexed me, made me laugh a little bit, and then it scared me. I was in something worse than a bad situation. Deep inside I knew it. I contacted a friend and told her what was happening to me. She shared her story with me and I knew that she knew exactly what I was talking about. Her honesty exposed me to the cold fact that I have a progressive disease, and that it will kill me if I drink. I dumped the remainder of my booze, sobered up at her place for a few days, got introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I haven’t had a drink since.
Alcoholics Anonymous has presented me with a way to live happily without drinking. I don’t ever have to drink again, and I don’t want to. I work the steps and they work for me. I have respectfully set aside the religion of my up-bringing. I am content with the sexuality I have been given. I cherish a flexible understanding of Higher Powers, I enjoy a beautiful life today and I owe it to the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous. It sounds too good to be true, but it’s not. Reach out in humility, and you too will be rocketed into the fourth dimension of living.
The Acceptance Group
361 North 300 West SLC