Step two, “came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
The compulsion to drink for me was not the only “Merciless obses-sion” that came to compel me in my insanity of alcoholism. Having had lost faith in the God I had come to perceive as punitive, wrathful and vindictive. At first I was torn and highly threatened when told “it was highly suggest-ed” I would probably want to en-list the help of a Power greater than my admitted powerlessness. Because the idea that I could choose my own concept of that Power was as of yet foreign to me, although appealing, however I was still fearful. I began witnessing in the Fellowship, those that did rely heavily on a Higher Power (God) seemed to be living healthier, hap-pier lives, compared to those who struggled and even rebelled against this concept.
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous was teaching me to cease fighting everyone and every-thing. One day in my early morn-ing home group as it was our habit to read from the wall the 12 tradi-tions the phrase “ . . . A loving God as he may express himself in our group conscience” leaped from that wall into my mind, but most of all into my heart. I decided then and there I would try to cultivate a conscious contact with that Love. In doing that I was handed another spiritual tool of the AA program, not the least of which are “prayer and meditation”. Also I found that my outlook and attitude about others was changing to seeking to be of service as I trusted more and more in that Loving Presence, whom I choose to call the “God of Love”. As I have began to see others as more loving I become aware of my own feelings of love. I “no longer live in a hostile world”, I no longer felt the compulsion (insanity) to drink.
My Higher Power, “a Loving God”, can restore me to what I once believed to be irrevocably lost – my sanity and serenity. I have a program to practice (and yes, it is a work in progress) with the loving help of my Higher Power, who is restoring me to mental, emotional, and spiritual health and well-being, one day at a time. For this I am grateful enough not to pick up that first drink, also one day at a time. Oh and I am much happier . . . And that I choose to call sanity . . . True serenity.
“Perhaps there is a better way – we think so. For we are now on a dif-ferent basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the ex-tent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.” Alcoholics Anonymous page 68
~ The New Yorker
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